Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML
Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML
Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that my 74-year-old dad sometimes wakes up early and washes dishes. Sounds great, except sometimes he likes to do so with nothing on from the waist down. FML
Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML
Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML
Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML
Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML
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Top comments
JHPugh 19
Boil them in hot water, then empty the pot onto your dad. Or, you could try telling him. That might work better!
Sqaud00 17
Have a talk with your dad or if that doesn't work just keep them hidden from him.
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Comments (40)
Blizzards 13
Ouch, I hope it doesn't mushroom into something worse!
Ben12345_fml 18
No.
dawnimus 21
I found this hilarious. Good show.
mermaidkeels 26
Let him keep the old ones and just buy a new pair. Problem solved!
tantanpanda 26
Till he uses those too.
JHPugh 19
Boil them in hot water, then empty the pot onto your dad. Or, you could try telling him. That might work better!
Earths_Venus 25
He sounds like a real fungi. His attitude doesn't leave you mushroom to manoeuvre. It's a real shiitake situation.
buckstop1 37
What did I just read? Honestly this pun made absolutely no sense to me
oreoeater 21
It made perfect sense, it was just terrible
nix1993 41
"He sounds like a real fun guy, his attitude doesn't leave you much room to manoeuvre. It's a real shit take situation" Unfortunate use of fungus-related puns, made worse by the fact that without the puns it doesn't really relate to the FML at all...
dirtbikeguy 14
don't worry #4 I liked it
Earths_Venus 25
#30 - thanks, buddy.
buckstop1 37
ohh, thanks 20. That completely flew right over my head. Especially that shiitake bit, i was pronouncing it as it really is, not how it looks
SashaTaras 26
Pee on them in the shower and then he will never wear them again.
oreoeater 21
Nooo, just No
Sqaud00 17
Have a talk with your dad or if that doesn't work just keep them hidden from him.
iwanttogotoparis 26
I hope you can avoid that
Wideout40 21
Who wears flip-flops in the shower?
leogachi 15
@8 People who don't want to catch someone's foot fungus.
oreoeater 21
#13 or spread their foot fungus
jumpshot32 11
Sharing is caring.
sillyyoshi1998 13
I'd say to get a separate pair. Just make it a different color, or find some way to distinguish! I don't think you'd get his foot fungus unless it's a constantly repeated experience. though, so hopefully that alleviates any worry.