Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, at my job as a second grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
The principal was just jealous you didn't have his baby. Or he's mad that the teacher is having his. Take your pick.
PossiblyInDanger 24
It's okay. I was almost kicked out of school for a few stitches drawn on my face.
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Comments (41)
devildog562 33
The principal was just jealous you didn't have his baby. Or he's mad that the teacher is having his. Take your pick.
jake_braves 25
1, you don't know the principle was a man or woman. Don't assume. But OP I'm sorry, obviously it didn't bother the pregnant teacher. Detention sucks. At least it was a fun night up until that moment...principles tend to be jerks.
devildog562 33
I will assume all I want. It was a joke. I could make it she was jealous that she couldn't be the one pregnant . It's my prerogative. Oh and by the way I didn't know your principles had a sex, only principals...
sayyestothedress 24
#1 eenie meanie minie moe
laden_swallow09 35
You're getting pretty defensive there, ain't cha, 12?
devildog562 33
Nope just opinionated .
PossiblyInDanger 24
It's okay. I was almost kicked out of school for a few stitches drawn on my face.
Mirorbo 27
I can only imagine the outrage if those stitches were legitimate
malea_17 16
I think the principle was uncomfortable
Steve95401 49
I think the principal was uncomfortable too.
Cookiee04 15
she used that selfie against you
diving_fml 30
that's why you don't take pictures when your committing a crime....or ditching work then posting it on FB when your boss is your friend.
flufee2 27
They sound like that very serious type person.. Your principal gotta chill out
kpetrovski 24
You could have said you were Harvey from Sabrina the Teenage Witch! There was an episode where a backfired spell made him pregnant.
MidnaLink 35
Ah, the Rumour Mill… seeing all those rumours be true was funny!
WCARlover 35
Principals with no sense of humor are the worst. There's a difference between being stern and being a dick.
LostInTheZone11 29
Wow, maybe have the teacher explain. My brother got away with a condom costume his senior year. Even the football coach said "You know. I'm glad you're wearing that. Maybe some kids in this school might pick up on what that is."
buttersmom 14
Maybe your principal was dressed as a raging asshole for Halloween.
Enslaved 38
Set up your own "Breakfast Club". Close the door to get the prom queen impregnated.