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Caught in 4K

By Oops - 03/01/2016 19:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 304

You deserved it 19 646

Oh what a night

By EmployeeOfTheMonth - 09/06/2013 23:33 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 503

You deserved it 9 148

By kids say the darnedest things - 19/07/2014 02:56 - United States - Denver

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 315

You deserved it 7 144

By wandering_soul - 23/09/2015 18:44 - United States

Today, my boss interviewed a prospective employee, my ex-girlfriend. My psycho ex, a kleptomaniac, thinks she's qualified to be a Security Guard. Her background check agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 657

You deserved it 1 525

wandering_soul tells us more.

wandering_soul 28

Saturday 26 September 2015 15:40

OP here! Seeing how the background check was clear, I guess the year and a half she spent locked up in an asylum was sealed. She's genuinely psychotic, and it's not some bad breakup kind of hate. As for the job, she was denied based on the results of her MMPI(a psych evaluation test), which were not disclosed. When I applied, I hated that thing, but now I'm kinda glad we have to take it.

By Frozen Food Fan - 11/08/2015 14:29 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I posted on Facebook about a cooking mishap I had. My fiancé and ex then spent the next hour trading stories of my other kitchen disasters in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 999

You deserved it 5 590

By ihatekids - 14/07/2016 20:43

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 938

You deserved it 1 212

By ashleylynn17 - 25/02/2014 21:59

Today, I was told I pull the "whole grunge look" off quite well. I don't dress "grunge", nor was that my intention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 5 432

By Anonymous - 02/06/2015 15:23 - United States - Austin

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 266

You deserved it 5 539

Because I said so

By thesparrow - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 191

You deserved it 2 458

By TriangularBanana - 06/05/2016 21:45 - United States - Cypress

Today, a girl stole my heart. She also stole my wallet, phone, and keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 108

You deserved it 1 599

By FlowerPower - 20/07/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, I took a big sniff of a flower in my garden. I spent the rest of the morning blowing little bugs out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 863

You deserved it 18 301

By CalledOut - 02/02/2015 06:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 524

You deserved it 2 560

My life blows

By Sua - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 941

You deserved it 4 399

By wet dreams - 12/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Cartersville

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 014

You deserved it 4 588

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 15:34 - United States - Waterville

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 590

You deserved it 4 522

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 05:29 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, the kids I was babysitting somehow found a pair of my underwear. They asked if they could use them to go parachuting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 309

You deserved it 7 013

By Why Is It Always Me - 21/02/2017 20:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 617

You deserved it 3 221

By tbee - 06/09/2014 00:13 - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 483

You deserved it 10 834

By wearyconsumer - 23/12/2016 05:29

Today, I threw out all the food in the freezer that my mom had been keeping since 2013. When she found out, she said, "frozen food doesn't go bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 532

You deserved it 1 135

Asshat

By marenthehollow - 31/10/2016 00:33 - United States - American Fork

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for saving them money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 585

You deserved it 914

Wreckless Eric

By pgmonster - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 225

You deserved it 5 541

By Ew - 26/05/2016 13:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 468

You deserved it 12 120

The grudge

By NoHamForMeThanks - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 849

You deserved it 2 668

By bystander - 07/02/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 801

You deserved it 2 907

Happy Caturday

By Crazy Cat Guy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fremont

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 005

You deserved it 4 552

Something awful

By halitosis - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Compton

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 624

You deserved it 19 557

By KayyElOh94 - 17/10/2014 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 3 813

Whoops

By CheLi - 08/12/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally invited me over to his parents' house so I could meet them. My boyfriend, his dad, and I were sitting in the living room when I saw a really sketchy person outside, so I said, "There's some creepy hobo man outside messing with your trash." The "creepy hobo" was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 915

You deserved it 41 205

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my friend found a picture of herself on a website filled with pictures of thin people. I was in the picture, also. I was crossed-out with the word, "EWW" written next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 4 330

By Anonymous - 06/05/2017 21:00 - France

Today, after a long series of tests, I found out that I’m sterile. My wife is currently pregnant with our second child. I think I have some questions for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 567

You deserved it 507

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The Top

Today, I was involved in a crash at work. When I was asked if I had been drinking, instead of saying, "I don't drink" my words got screwed up and I said, "I don't think." Everyone is now certain I caused the crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 166

You deserved it 1 197

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 414

You deserved it 1 627

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 846

You deserved it 9 041

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 173

You deserved it 52 229

Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 891

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 510