Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
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Top comments
berniro 14
It's ok to feel like you're not ready for sex, or that you haven't found someone you feel comfortable enough around to have sex with. It's a big step in someone's life and it takes a lot of trust. It'll happen when the time is right, until then don't be ashamed or let anyone make you feel ashamed of it.
blairiofosterio1 10
Why look at her racks, when you can have snacks?
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Comments (47)
whosthedeadone 25
At least you treated him to yummy food.
berniro 14
It's ok to feel like you're not ready for sex, or that you haven't found someone you feel comfortable enough around to have sex with. It's a big step in someone's life and it takes a lot of trust. It'll happen when the time is right, until then don't be ashamed or let anyone make you feel ashamed of it.
tounces7 28
For all we know OP wants a boyfriend but just can't find one.
Alup132 22
I know how you feel. I've got depression and lost a lot of friends and often times my dreams are of losing more, (which isn't much) or of good things that I wake up and realize they never happened.
mixedupminx 8
I also had never been with a guy before my 27th, you never know! it's not a must have for a happy life; you cannot miss what you never had
Chikiriwak 17
Nothing to be ashamed of at least you deeply know what you want, and you will do what your mind is set to no matter what. You're just not ready and you habdle it maturely.
blairiofosterio1 10
Why look at her racks, when you can have snacks?
DragonicPlague 9
That sounds waaaay too much like me in a couple of years... I feel you in this one OP...
Royness 8
Was the stripper male or female?
thatweirdasian 22
Male. OP said she hasn't kissed a guy yet, so it's safe to assume the dream-stripper was a male.
qwertyuiopasdfgh_fml 16
Doesn't matter.
kurodansei 16
matters a little bit.
Lalala579121 28
Only to people trying to have dreams about OP and the stripper having sex.
liloh_fml 11
don't beat yourself up. who cares if you haven't kissed anyone yet? it'll happen when it's supposed to happen, no need to stress about it.
Procryon 10
Hmm what if dreams are merely insights into our simultaneously occurring parallel life?