Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, I fell asleep at my boyfriend’s house and missed my curfew. It’s almost 4 a.m. Scrambling, I arrived home to find the locks changed. On the door knob was a note: “Go live with your boyfriend, you slut. See if he cooks and cleans up after you. I’ll help you move out your stuff in the morning. - Mom” FML
Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I’m 20 and my mom is well aware I’m having sex. Nonetheless, this morning when my boyfriend was going down on me under the covers, she marched into my room without knocking, dumped a load of wet laundry on my sofa, and walked back out. FML
Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML
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Top comments
dudeman1212 22
Mom's a cockblock even in your dreams. Better stock up on Vaseline, I guess
TiiBags 15
Sometimes you don't even have your own brain on your side...
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Comments (52)
dudeman1212 22
Mom's a cockblock even in your dreams. Better stock up on Vaseline, I guess
DropTheDaggerxx 31
More than just a cockblock, that's pretty abusive. I hope dream-mom is an exaggerated version of the real life one, otherwise this really is an FYL, OP!
eyebrowzzz 21
Go out and get some action !
gantoman 13
You say that like you can walk out of your door and **** everything.
Flowtastic 16
No sex for you!
TiiBags 15
Sometimes you don't even have your own brain on your side...
MrSassypants 34
I think it's safe to say most of the time our brains are against us.
Duckzy 16
Half of the time my memory goes out right before I even talk to a girl in my dreams...
MrSassypants 34
You talk to girls in your dreams? I don't even have the courage to talk to them in my dreams, and when I do, they turn me down. Luckily, I just ride a rainbow giraffe into space to make myself feel better.
aimzskee 30
Nothing kills the mood quite like that.
Murkyy 15
Nickelback does
Mf2307 15
that totally kills the mood when mom walks in
poppunkette 22
Wow that's really sucky!
OhWhoCares 42
Hmm, there might be a button for that thought. You should check it out sometime soon. :)
Ki11erC 18
@21 Made sure to find it for yours.
sunnyray812 42
If that's how your mom really is in real life, then I feel bad for you.
purelymixed 17
Moms can do that sometimes
HeadlessSparrow 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
why the long user name?
biebahood 15
idk which is worse, his or yours o.O
HairIsEverything 15
#17, your profile bio scares me. I hope you were just joking for the most part
lvg_fml 10
You need to get out there and find someone
Vestin 18
#11: ...is what he's been telling himself for the last 6 years.