Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and left me crying in the street. I then got a text from my mom saying how pathetic my love life was. Apparently, it was a mass text message and she accidentally added me to the list. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML
Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend at her request, because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received four calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML
Today, I got a text message saying, "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Over text. While I was on vacation visiting my old grandparents. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML
Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Arashikage 18
It obvious she didn't pay attention in biology
hugtrees13 16
Why do woman make fun of things men can't control/are born with?(dick size) Nobody can help having a little dick -why hold it against them? and it sounds more like a "F that guy's life" instead of yours.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (31)
Qandol 26
Wrong number, but maybe you should send her your picture and things could change for the both of you.
Raymond Wolf 9
not sure anyone would want that type of girlfriend
Raymond Wolf 9
not sure anyone would want that type of girlfriend
Arashikage 18
It obvious she didn't pay attention in biology
hugtrees13 16
Why do woman make fun of things men can't control/are born with?(dick size) Nobody can help having a little dick -why hold it against them? and it sounds more like a "F that guy's life" instead of yours.
LyricaSilvan 30
Because they know it's a pride thing. It's still bs because they can't control it, but the lack of control just means the insulted has more power over the person they're insulting. Short version: people are jerks sometimes.
kirkaygri 18
The same reason men make fun of a woman's breast size, or ass size or weight. It's not just a women thing. People are jerks.
cuddlycactus 11
Weight is something that can be changed you know
Catdragon 40
men do it too. they make fun of small boobs, facial features, small asses, etc. it's a human thing.
izzajaneful 24
Because it still hurts the ego. It probably hurts more than something you can change. At least if you could change, you can rationalize why you don't want to/it isn't worth it. In this case, it's your dick, it's tiny, and there's nothing you can do.
RichardPencil 32
Maybe your ex-girlfriend wanted to craft the perfect break-up text and it took her two years to do it. I'd say she crushed it!
kristinjeaneen 21
She sounds very smart and lovely. Whoever she actually meant to break up with dodged a bullet.
thatslifeiguess7 16
I would send back btw the strippers said my d"#k was fine btw,I was pretty drunk that night not sure I used condoms. wow 20 girls may it was you peace
plumosa 3
It's either a simple wrong number or some bored dumbass sending out texts to random numbers for cheap thrills.
Hippo_Holiday 19
I think she got the wrong number, or she just misses you
robbiemad 7
You should have sent her a dick pic. And said good you got rid of him but I am scared
McMan 23
Imagine waking up to that in the morning...