Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML
Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML
Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
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Top comments
deathbreadstick 10
I don't get why your first thought was that it was a cockroach.
eurekaroy 6
Is your house nasty enough that cockroaches get in your bed :/
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Comments (179)
ckilla421 0
Agrees with 1. Why in God's name would your first thought be that it's a roach?? Lysol and basic cleaning skills can prevent that, my friend.
NomOnShroomz 14
No. Not even close. If roaches can survive a nuke Lysol wont do shit.
NomOnShroomz 14
l
SteelCladAngel 0
Boric acid (powder) sprinkled in places where roaches frequent can't kill them I've heard baking soda will too though I've never had to test it.
SteelCladAngel 0
Can**
RebekahBrooke 9
silly.... but sorry.
NBTX830_94 0
Your cute (;
daphish 10
This happens to me all the time, but except of cockroaches there scorpions and instead of them being actually a necklace it's actually a scorpion.
RebekahBrooke 9
are you retarded? I hope so. that would excuse this ridiculous comment. yours all suck. your other one is "first!" so please, for the good of FML, stop commenting.
zombicidal 11
Haha give him a break he likes bleach so he can't too bad
GrammaticalNazi 2
49 - shh he's trying to be clever
foxman47 3
I'm on Rebekah's side. 13's comment is lame
RebekahBrooke 9
Thank you. :] but all of his are lame. he should stop commenting!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
What's with all you kids thinking you can decide who should stop commenting and who shouldn't? The saddest part is that's it's usually without much reason. Grow up.
The_Instigator 11
It's better having a broken neckless rather than having cockroach babies on your neck. Nice job playing it safe OP.
HollyoaksFan93 9
If it was brand new why were you wearing it while you slept? Even if you were just 'resting'
Enslaved 38
I always take all my jewelry off because I'm unable to sleep with it on. But it's not uncommon for people to leave their's on. New or not. (:
rhysfucker 24
My wife sleeps with her earrings in all the time. Personal preference.
Awahso 25
I have been wearing my cross since I was 9. I have never took it off. Sleep,shower,gym,swimming, it stays on
citymayer 7
I was going to ask why you would immediately think cockroach. Then I saw that you were from australia.
princess151617 4
Why would to it a cockroach ? Is ur house that gross ?
zowieandzander77 1
Um what?
BjgUsername 12
Would you have honestly rather have a cockroach on you?
Glitterhinoceros 14
Wouldn't a necklace feel different than a cockroach? Wouldn't you feel the rest of the necklace resting on your neck, unless, you know, it was a super mutant ninja cockroach.
SockMonkey333 0
Hahaha I would think the same thing!!