Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
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Top comments
lemoncows 2
dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit!
Valea_fml 9
Eww! Disgusting. FYL.
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Comments (186)
Valea_fml 9
Eww! Disgusting. FYL.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Ew!!! Omfg EWWWW!!!!!
djcoco5 0
most disgusting thing i've seen in my life!
bariforlife 0
gah!!!! grosss!!!!
SarahStarzz 0
I hate insects!!! eeww they creep the shit out of me just looking at them makes me all eeww
TJ10 0
tell ur bf/gf to wash more thoroughly
country_chickie 0
Omg!!! Nasty!! Wtf?!
tjsomethin 9
Lol ew
GuyMcGee 0
well.. it looks like, (puts on sunglasses) you swallowed a cockroach
wikkedphuka 0
is you profile pic chedder bob lmao
clarkey 0
what did it taste like?
I_R_Genius 3
Chocolate dipped cockroaches are the best. Om nom nom.
saraaheatherr7 11
Salt and vinegar grasshoppers. And no. I'm not joking! I buy them at candy mountain in Winnipeg!
dani22097 0
crunchy right?
instnt1nfction 17
that's what she said
lemoncows 2
dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit!
jess6blondie9 3
Win!(:
beckyxD 13
Double win!
Calyx_fml 22
It's the CIA. You've been bugged.
alexaaisabeastt 0
^win.
yehr 0
LOL that was awesome :D!!
uncbballwins 0
Yes it's great knowing you will die a slow, painful death of not having the lung capacity to satisfy your body's oxygen needs.
instnt1nfction 17
o yeah? crunchy crap and mushy pee
Hanimon 0
nah, not really, 49 lolol
EmVee 0
That truly grossed me out - and I don't *ever* get grossed out ><
Lizza330 28
Same here. D:
yuggi1 11
Her/his lungs are just fine, it's that darn cockroach, looking for a place to lay its eggs no doubt, that has her asphyxiating. I saw this show about how hissing cockroaches lay eggs and EWWWW- absolutely disgusting!
Neekadeek 2
sounds like something from a horror flick
yesiyes 0
it is
EmperorPsycho 0
Sounds like that movie Drag Me to Hell, doesn't it?
camerican21 1
So was it payday and you decided to splurge?