Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML
Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML
Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
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Top comments
deathbreadstick 10
I don't get why your first thought was that it was a cockroach.
eurekaroy 6
Is your house nasty enough that cockroaches get in your bed :/
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Comments (179)
Flamedude101 4
eh em Panicked* sorry someone had to say it
Corygerm 9
you can correct someone online.... your cool.
Enslaved 38
Didi, I thought most bosses were suppose to have weekends off. (: Not your case, I see. Lol
GrammaticalNazi 2
32 - as you can now (hopefully) see, you are supposed to correct the FMLs for the mods. Am I cool now?
lauraaaaaa_fml 7
*you're, not your - get some grammar and spelling lessons before you try and make a witty comment like that. OP, sorry you broke your necklace :( I think if I felt a strange tickle on my neck my first instinct would be that it was some kind of bug too. Though I'd probably just try and brush it off rather than throw it across the room... Also for the moderators, *pieces, not peices in the FML please :)
annagilbert 6
really? I posted better FML's and this one got chosen?
lidemocr 0
You must have a filthy house if your first thought is a cockroach
Rj93 8
Aw, that sucks OP, I can relate, exactly the same happened to me, no word of a lie. It's funny, I was in NSW Australia at the time too... Small world.
Btreasure 8
Maybe you shouldn't wear jewelry in bed.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Yes, she did. They'll probably correct it though.
obamathellama 0
panicked* and you just assume you have cockroaches roaming about? YDI
fatman1970 25
That's why you take jewelry OFF before going to sleep.
kickblocker 18
why are there cockroaches in your house that you have to worry about it?
chinaDoll87 0
Aq