Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
Today, I went shooting with my dad and he brought his grandfather's rifle with him. I’ve never shot it before and he told me to be careful with it. The bullet exploded, ruptured the barrel, cut my face, and made me deaf in one ear. Dad still blamed me for “not shooting it properly.” FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You should fear for your life only if you use your stinger on his daughter. Or if you wear a yellow jacket. That wouldn't be wise.
The_Big_Boss 20
That's when you tell him what guns you have and offer to go shooting with him sometime
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Comments (188)
Welshite 40
You should fear for your life only if you use your stinger on his daughter. Or if you wear a yellow jacket. That wouldn't be wise.
gjikvtj 18
Also, definitely don't pollenate her
MrsDruidess 23
hahaha best response ever!!
belljars 22
One false move and your nuts are next.
cakefete2 31
Oooh child,.now honeycomb on, you know he's just joshing.
incoherentrmblr 22
Yeah, don't pollinate her inside. If you pollinate her outside, you must be R. Kelly...
elcee1987 18
It's refreshing to see some new puns on Fml. :)
sweetbliss3 37
overdramatic
cakefete2 31
Those poor homeless hornets. Now they're going to have to bee by the roadside asking for change until they can repair their hive.
gramirez23 9
#67 You sir are trying too hard
ohcheriecherie 20
at least he keeps his family safe from hornets
EternalRest 5
Overprotective parents create sneaky kids.
happyapy 16
Right. Cause it's totally common for dads to blow holes in guys dating their princess. If that were true, every single guy would have a least one hole through his chest.
xx000o 27
You should have asked for the gun then calmly shot the stinger off one of the yellow jackets, handed it back to him and said "needs work".
kevinu125 7
Not a good time to be a pussy
IloveToLaugh143 21
Since when were we talking about cats?
garebear61 14
Yeah!! No one mentioned cats. Dammit Kevin!
katrinakm 9
What an awesome dad!!
rebeleous 14
Honestly I think dads that do stuff like this are dumbasses
katrinakm 9
Why? They are warning beforehand so they know what to expect if they ever hurt their daughter.
MariahCarolyn 2
I agree with #119. It's super immature and just makes the daughter upset. Plus, it's dangerous, and the father obviously doesn't care about his daughter, only his own insecurities about his daughter growing up.
McSquishin 2
Immature? Dumbass? What this dad did is exactly what I plan to do. I know full well my daughter will at some point start being her own woman and having sex, and this isn't about that. The message is to convey that if you abuse her I will hurt you. Badly.
ntd309 14
How do y'all even know if it has anything to do with the dad warning OP?? He may be a proud gun-owner... Maybe OP could learn how to shoot this thing that encompasses our 2nd Amendment???? OP - YDI for freaking out over a gun! Any man or woman who threatens assault with any weapon is a coward. Because you (OP) fear assault, you are proving to us (through the Law of Reflection) that you feel the need to assault anyone who harms you.
Rallred32 20
4, I call daddy's idea a success!
Raidriar 14
You know, 119 and 156 have their points. Threatening someone with bodily harm is assault. Harming someone is battery. Then if you shoot them, it's voluntary manslaughter. A felony, enjoy prison. Making a show of shooting a hornet's nest is incredibly immature. There are so many better ways to handle the situation. Indirectly threatening the guy will do no good. Even of those that do, only a small percentile follow up with it. It's likely you can find their criminal records with relative ease. If you honestly plan to "hurt [him]. Badly," you're not a good example. You would be teaching your daughter that violence is the solution, not to mention that being the final thing you teach her before being incarcerated. Again, enjoy prison. I agree though, OP, you deserve it for fearing that. He will not do a damn thing if he values his place in his family or society. Might I emphasize how hard it is to be a dad while serving time for a felony. Unless he's Michael De Santa. Then run. Run fast and far.
The_Big_Boss 20
That's when you tell him what guns you have and offer to go shooting with him sometime
JACKxRAWR 22
Nothing like bonding with someone at the range. :D
kiaora_fml 11
Agreed, OP you could turn this around and make it something you guys have in common! a hobby of sorts. My FIL is a complete @sshole but he is quiet when you talk to him about homebrew beer and wants to help. Mellows him a bit. Maybe something in common can mellow yours abit and make him more tolerable
False_Stupidity 42
Of course if OP hasn't got any guns, he's screwed.
xSphinx 18
my thoughts exactly. but he could just show an interest in general and go shooting with him
ChristianH39 30
111 actually my first time shooting was with my girlfriends dad and brother. OPs dad does seem just a tiny bit hostile though
Norja 33
Take the hint. Take care of his girl.
yuzuhere 21
Or else he'll take care of you.
Patty410 11
And if he doesn't, is he going to shoot him? He gets the jail. Some other guy comes along, who is going to shoot him?
MooseKnuckle5150 13
Parenting. He's doing it right.
Raidriar 14
Unless he acts on his threat. It should be moderately hard to be a good parent in prison.
jimmy_poison 19
It's only a problem if you treat her like shit
IndridWarm 23
No - It's a problem if he or his daughter *think* she's been treated badly. Hopefully that belief will match reality but there's no guarantee.
iwadasn 33
Just don't hit her or cheat on her and you should be fine.
EdenCrystal 21
KILL ALL THE BEES!
that_band_nerd 22
Bees and hornets are different species. If you don't know that I'm pretty sure you'll be in for a nasty surprise if you go looking for honey in the wild.
EdenCrystal 21
I was making a movie reference.
warsun 27
*dramatically jumps infront of bee hive* NOOOOOOOO
mbuck87 19
Oh no! Not the bees! Now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwiches?
domolovesyoshi 33
wasps
Sansational_ 18
Not the bees!
HumanWiki 8
Explain to him that can be considered threatening actions and implied intentions of assault. Put him in his place.
clambo_3553 3
Yes, being a pussy always works. Try that.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Wiki your American is showing
Octwo 16
Cheeks your ignorance is showing.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Octwo I was making a reference towards the obsession towards class action lawsuits we keep hearing about in the US to resolve otherwise simple conflicts (If it doesn't end in gunfights).
IloveToLaugh143 21
AssCheeks, you're still getting down voted.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Like I give a ****? Go ahead and zergfest, it still doesn't change the fact that only in 'Murica lawsuits go rampant as such. Come at me, hordes of downvotes, for I have 'sinned'!
ironichalibut 24
Also, are assault rifles a legal domestic firearm in the US? What animal do you need that much firepower for?
ironichalibut 24
'Cause I can't think of any animals other than a daughters boyfriend.. or fascists.. My questions are honest though, and I'm pretty sure shooting a hornets nest violates gun safety standards. So how about responses, instead of thumbing down comments like sheep?
xSphinx 18
only fully automatic weapons are illegal, and it's illegal to shoot any weapon inside city limits. also some magazine sizes as far as I believe 12+ for pistols are illegal.
ironichalibut 24
Thanks dude! I know that in some cases you can buy parts for restricted weapons, which is silly, what's someone going to do with restricted parts other than put them together? Hashtag guncontrol
ChristianH39 30
Yes, try to put your girlfriends dad "in his place." That's just sure to work out well
hashshim 23
Cheeks, it wouldn't be a class action lawsuit anyways, it's only one individual. Trust me, I sat in on a lecture at a community college once.
honz99999 11
@ironichalibut you say what animal do you need that much firepower for? I ask anyone who owns a sports car, what road do you *need* that much horsepower for? need has nothing to do with it. people buy nice rifles for among the same reasons people buy nice cars. they're cool, they're big, they're loud, and this is America.
elcee1987 18
Defer to the dad. Always defer to the dad. Repeat.
Octwo 16
Cheeks, I don't think you understand what a class action lawsuit is. It has nothing to do with this post. I don't like people who jump straight to trying to sue people as a resolution, it's pathetic, but generalizing all Americans is equally pathetic. Leave your ignorance at the door, please.
ironichalibut 24
I don't see why my comment was moderated away.. My second one doesn't make as much sense without it, I can't think of anyway it violated the comment policy. If anything, the second one where I called down voters "sheep" was more offensive and could've been moderated away, rather than the one where I asked an honest question, about the content of the FM. Was it lost somehow, or moderated? Did I accidentally use. "Lol" or "1337"? Could I get an explanation possibly, so it doesn't happen again?