Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML
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Top comments
loufol22 5
Did you shoot back at least??
zandalee 20
Time to fight fire with fire!! In the end he will respect you more!
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Comments (142)
loufol22 5
Did you shoot back at least??
shanemaximo 7
This is the only time camping would be acceptable.
SpottedZebra42 14
It's paintball. Camping is never acceptable because it's way to easy to get overrun.
alexup24 13
As soon as you see him just spray him. Go noob status on him, whatever it takes to win.
olpally 33
*cartman's voice* respect my authority!! Nice username btw... **** is right...
alexup24 13
22- Did you just edit your own comment, what is this sorcery???
olpally 33
Very good... Want a cookie???
boxbrandon11 20
Bring a riot shield next time
iiTsAJ 5
Should've across the map 360 no scoped him for the final kill. That would've been epic.
doctorwhogirl 0
if you start Reading at line 3 the fml is far more interesting.
hclover 0
Would've been a good idea!
Zomg_Okay 27
19 - What if it was a game of capture the flag/defend the base? You want the defenders to leave it completely undefended for fear of being labeled a camper?
alexup24 13
82- n00b
Zomg_Okay 27
96 - And proud. ;D
SpottedZebra42 14
82 - I never considered that really. I guess I'm just used to the normal one-hit-and-you're-out games. In that case, you would be right here.
Zomg_Okay 27
Being defensive in a defensive game type works when you play one-hit-kill rules too... Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having a few players do a counter attack but honestly, if you're not properly defending an objective because you're worried about video game "insults", you're not playing properly.
AceArctic 4
75- I like the way you think!
angelk12 6
It caused a scene alright. In my head. In the wild. It was a very dramatic scene, involving a lot of theme music and such
zandalee 20
Time to fight fire with fire!! In the end he will respect you more!
kenzie20 6
Or you'll just piss him off.
eddeeezzyy 19
I kinda agree with 2 on this one because a girl's father likes a boy that is strong and is willing to stand up for one's self (especially to someone who is/used to be in the arm forces because it shows aggression and courage).
Ruffclue 9
Pride vs. Pain. U choose op
metalwolf 17
Just dont set up in a tree. Pride come before the fall.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Break out the Call of Duty skills on his ass. Unleash Marksman and QuickDraw pro, with some Last Stand just in case. Aim for the head. Or the balls. Whichever one you prefer.
RussianFox 13
Someone plays just a little too much call of duty.
KiddNYC1O 22
A simple Semtex would save you all that trouble.
buck33 14
If this guys that good, OP may need hardline pro.
iStrukk 7
My line is already hard?
StoryOfTheYear 15
36- Actually they obviously don't play it enough. Marksman and last stand are not in the same game. I'm sure he meant to say final stand.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Gah, you caught me. I'll now go play CoD 1 through 7 (8?) and learn the terms correctly so as to avoid future mix ups.
siickman 7
Its funny because if you wer to play paintball... COD skills wont really help... You will catch yourself not wanting to move from A bunker.... I see it every weekend when a noob on my team goes "oh yea im just going to do a call of duty and rush them.. Hopefully it doesnt lag".... Im just like okay and watch them stay far away and get out first :p
WCARlover 35
I read this as "pinball" at first so I was like "you're complaining about pinball?!" lol
Bandftw44 4
He's complaining about paintball, which is even worse
KeyboardWarrior 10
Not really. Paintball is a LOT more painful than pinball.
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
I dont know Ive been in some pretty intense pinball games.
laden_swallow09 35
"That deaf, dumb, and blind kid SURE PLAYS A MEAN PIN-BALL!"
nofearjenshere 12
Fire back OP! Remember, aim low..
ycrem0n 21
That's a little dirty, guys have an unspoken rule about this. Head shots would probably be better.
newfielad 7
Yeah it's like part of being a guy is signing a pledge that says "I promise not to hit another guy in the nuts"
idontknowyou123 0
At least he didnt shoot your balls. Next time take adequete cover and keep watching
PrincessesCrown 17
How do you know he didnt shoot his balls? If I was pissed at someone I sure as hell would aim there!
pslcdsl 9
May the odds be ever in your favor!
PrincessesCrown 17
Love the quote. Wrong time to use it!
loufol22 5
Your user picture explains
niggajews 0
Should of "accidentally" confused his face as a tree you were using to practice aim.
KitaBrah 0
Just be thankful that wasn't a real gun..
FloTimmyKO 0
He shot you with a paintball gun. So what, your still with his daughter, and he still has to deal with it.=] just remember when your in bed that you get the last laugh.
it_iswhat_itis0 7
Haha so true!
daminantion 14
"Pump as many rounds into me without making a scene'" I say use the same tactic. Bang the shit out of his daughter when he's home! XD what, that isn't a normal retaliation?
FloTimmyKO 0
I would have to say, "Pump as many rounds into her, and MAKE a scene!" Let him know that some paintballs aren't gonna stop you.
elementalz 2
Brownie points with your gf make use of them. xD