Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML
Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML
Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML
Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML
Today, I was eating chicken noodle soup for my lunch. It was perfect until the last bite when it went down the wrong pipe. Choking, I coughed up what I'd already eaten. In front of my coworkers, and all over myself. FML
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Top comments
WhatsOpTic 11
Damn salads these days trying to kill people
Quackadoodledoo 13
Icebergs can be very dangerous.
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Comments (84)
scarman_fml 14
well thats.... unfortunate
JMichael 26
This is why I do not eat salad.
pwnman 33
I am afraid to death on salads.
1tsmenoah 20
#1 Well you don't say? I wonder why he put this on FML
incoherentrmblr 22
Was it at least a tasty salad? Do you need a tasty beverage to wash it down?...
TheCanucklehead 22
Your being challenged OP. Life wanted to test you. You passed the test. Put a smile on your face, and roll on. Life will tear you again, so you smile and beat the challenge again. These small victories matter. They're a step before your bigger ones, and the happiness you WILL have. :)
KushCrushin89 10
What's with all the happiness and light shit? Maybe OP is a monumental ****-up whose only purpose is to serve as a future warning to younger generations of what not to be. Stop feeling sorry for yourself dude, it's a rough world out there with no room for more pansies.
kangx1 28
The same lettuce you ordered on Amazon?
Lacist 19
Guys at least make your comment relevant to what you're replying to, we are all guilty of wanting our comment at the top, but cut the blatancy.
WhatsOpTic 11
Damn salads these days trying to kill people
gjikvtj 18
And the doctors say that salads are healthy...
enddmd 27
They only act out in self defense!
Alhamdulilah 15
I laughed way too hard at this
meepmerp 20
Maybe OP wrote this beyond the grave :O
DawnofDark 15
That's why nobody eats salads!
WhatsOpTic 11
I eat salad all the time! Not a lot of lettuce in it, but lots of tomato and cheese! And big croutons! Actually one big crouton...with tomato on it...okay fine its pizza!
johbstonjacob 8
how even?
SmuggletheBudgie 15
even how?
MRP360 14
I choked on spinach....before you judge it was a fairly long piece of spinach and it was covered in sauce :|
JBChristian 47
Shouldn't have bought lettuce from Amazon.
j_cat187 20
was it on the entire head of lettuce?
XTheDesertSongX 17
"on a piece of lettuce." "a piece of lettuce." "piece."
warsun 27
One piece........where'd my straw hat go?
Quackadoodledoo 13
Icebergs can be very dangerous.
OysterPearls 33
Romaine calm, OP. You'll get through this.
ElloSubjects 9
Lettuce discuss your problems OP. Edit: Crap sorry after looking down further I noticed someone less made the same pun :/
ElloSubjects 9
Grr typos everywhere... last time I post at night
Matt_Hazard 16
@ #5 Ah ha ha, I see what you did there.
SparkyRoxYurSox 16
Pfft and it isn't even Monday..
Warmonger_Smurf 29
True, but it is "pre-Monday".
illegalbeagle69 23
Pre-monday.. still gets you pregnant with the hate of monday.
Bloink 25
this is why i dont eat vegetables
CFB_FRS 27
This is why I don't eat salad..
Quackadoodledoo 13
Because it makes you choke? So your diet consists of...baby food?
FracturedMinds 21
Because there is only salad and baby food. My favorite baby food is a cheese burger.
ChristianH39 30
26 I don't think you can expect sound logic from someone whose username is quackadoodledoo lol
glabberfasted 16
Also... You can choke on baby food if you try hard enough.
xSavaqee 12
Lettuce know how you are doing !
OysterPearls 33
I agree, you can't just leave us with the tip of the iceberg!
xblaine 17
Salad is dangerous