Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
Today, I went shooting with my dad and he brought his grandfather's rifle with him. I’ve never shot it before and he told me to be careful with it. The bullet exploded, ruptured the barrel, cut my face, and made me deaf in one ear. Dad still blamed me for “not shooting it properly.” FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You should fear for your life only if you use your stinger on his daughter. Or if you wear a yellow jacket. That wouldn't be wise.
The_Big_Boss 20
That's when you tell him what guns you have and offer to go shooting with him sometime
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Comments (188)
mvc3ftw 17
Come back with a Bigger gun.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Thiis is not the first FML in which a father has made a show about threatening his daughter's new boyfriend with a gun. Every time it comes up I can't help but wonder how the girlfriend feels about all of this. If anyone ever threatened my boyfriend with serious bodily harm, and he was uncomfortable, I would not stand for it...I'd be embarrassed and feel awfully responsible. My dad barely interacts with my guyfriends or boyfriends but they're still scared of him 'cause he's stern and has an eastern european accent lol. I don't see how violent overprotection makes a man a good father... ....my big bro kinda sorta threatened my ex once but we laughed it off. My current bf isn't American and doesn't understand the obsession with owning guns so I think he would never respect anyone who used them as a threat. Then again, my dad's a conservative and he's a socialist so they're probably never going to see eye to eye ;D .
bigman378 3
That is every father when they meet their daughters boyfriend for the first time. Just don't break her heart.
KingSplatter 9
Seriously? "Assault rifle"? So it was a fully automatic weapon that is intended to assault people? I think not. I believe the word you are looking for is "semi automatic modern sporting rifle." Come on people, don't buy in to the liberal media's anti gun agenda and spread these ludicrous misnomers.
csjmcc 11
You know what they say about a guy with a big rifle?............ Don't screw with his daughter!
mokka44 8
Where can one use an assault rifle in their backyard and not have half the police storm the house. As a dad, that's a poor way to treat someone that has an interest in your daughter. If you expect me to treat you and your family with respect them I would expect the same from you.
blackonblight 33
Who said assault rifle, just said rifle, and if it's an area where people go hunting, obviously if no screams are heard no ones getting worried. Plus a hornet nest exploding. Getting rid of those things for good would have me pulling up bomb making tutorials to make sure I leave no survivors. But then, the only things that sting that should live are honeybees, as far as I'm concerned.
alfred07 18
Just ignore him.
apcsox 18
Sounds like I will be when u have daughters :)
blackonblight 33
And this cliche will never die because of you reaction right here. It works exactly as intended.
Lehk 9
you should go shooting with her dad, he sounds like a cool guy.