Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
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Top comments
Torva_fml 16
You told her that she needs a new hobby, right?
The_Troller 14
Bitches be crazy!
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Comments (143)
jdengel 0
how did you make it this far in the relationship?
Timmeeh 17
It's almost a self-fulfilling prediction. Idiot reads horoscope, idiot irritates spouse with this sort of stuff, after a few repeats, spouse is potentially annoyed enough to cheat or leave. I'm obviously ladling on the sarcasm, but horoscope quotes akin to "you will argue with a spouse" (in far more mysterious language), are pretty common, and written in the knowledge that in fact the horoscope will often be the trigger for the argument in those who actually believe in it.
shotgunman89 3
divorce that dumb broad. that way she wont blow all your money in a con and you wont have to deal with her crazy sh*t anymore
markmiller2023 0
i hate that stupid bullshit
jashby 4
**** with her and tell her you did cheat
unagi_fml 9
Tell her that you've already betrayed her by eating the last slice of pie in the fridge and blamed it on the cat. Then off to work you go!
DevilsMetsGiants 30
and you married this nut job because...?
afulks78 11
The **** ?
BrittanyPernell6 0
She's not doing it right
Apollo22 5
YDI for marrying someone who believes in astrology.