MrOh
Canada
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Mountain View, United States
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Dumbfounded
Padre Island Ntl Seashor, United States
Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Anonymous
Boston, United Kingdom
Affection breakdown
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Anonymous
Greensburg, United States
Stuck on amber
Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML
Anonymous
United States
Bad sign(s)
Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML
divorced
United States
Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML
Anonymous
Marriage doesn't solve anything
Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML
dazedandconfused
Dorking, United Kingdom
Puzzled
Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML
Anonymous
Told you so
Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML
Top comments
bthomas0319 2
Make a fake horoscope and make it say that you have to be your husband's slave and do whatever he says
kaylynheartsyou 10
Then dont talk to her for one day.
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Comments (246)
kaylynheartsyou 10
Then dont talk to her for one day.
daysgoby902 6
that's legit
tybtab 5
then when she asks why say your penis told you to
YourEvilHero 12
you married a winner!
NuckinFutz 4
#1-that's retarded. I hate when people copy someone that pissed them off. They will just think u r a dumbass and it won't piss them off at all
FMLuvLife 3
if you're both Pices tell her you two don't belong together, and when she asks why say your horoscope says so.
idancewithrev 0
she will listen to a horoscope but not u...there is a problem in this relationship.
Pixxio_O 11
Sell all her shoes and with the money buy a years supply of tomatoes and tell her your horoscope told you to
urdirtyolduncle 15
Shows how stupid people are who follow horoscopes.
Epic_Phale615 0
I like 16's idea...
333TheSemichrist 0
...and why is this an FML?
idancewithrev 0
56- that's harsh...I mean taking a girls shoes...not a good idea
Pixxio_O 11
Your right 57 :O that is pretty harsh... Sell all her toilet paper?
portcaveman 5
I agree with 1. its not that hard to not talk to someone for one day.
Iamnotmyself 17
I swear we as a species are getting ****** over by stupid myths and scams. Well, tell your wife that she is being completely stupid and show her studies to prove to her they're not real. Also get me popcorn as her moronic arguments will be hilarious!
idancewithrev 0
I make a living off scams...
newnew8 0
haaa bitch.
ktateprado 0
47- I hate people that say stuff is retarded. So STFU.
Pixxio_O 11
109- tomatoes are retarded
ktateprado 0
114- I thought we were friends.
Pixxio_O 11
109- we are :o I was joking :P
littlestmOnster_fml 1
Think of it as a vacation!!!!
enonymous 9
There's a lot of other wives that need to read that horoscope.
juicedboi 7
The FML here is that the horoscope won't be the same tomorrow right? It's ok I understand your pain my friend. Gifts like this only come around once in a lifetime.
commietaco 0
they can still have sex, right?
zendaddy0 0
No way 1 that would make him an asshole since it's a guy doing it
Damn_Hippster 11
I see no problem here
schmock_fml 0
how'd she tell u y she's not talking to ya?
gogreen8856 0
that's stupid
ADTRarmyFTW 4
tell her that yours wanted you to hire a prostitute. ;) bet shell talk then
balljoints 8
LOL
bthomas0319 2
Make a fake horoscope and make it say that you have to be your husband's slave and do whatever he says
dirtbiker3325_fml 0
Hahaha. haha. ha. ha. uhh... excuses for humor...
bananaburger 0
Oooo lala
halleyroosan 8
Was this supposed to be funny?
slitherbomb 0
Or you can just beat her. Violence is always the answer.
Brool_Story_Co 17
35- It was supposed to be, but it wasn't funny at all 36- Your a dumbass, beating your wife isn't cool
Simpson143 2
36 - Violence is never the answer! "Violence?" is the question, and the answer is yes.
A7X_LoVeee 10
49 I think you mean sex.
FMLuvLife 3
#49 only when you're dealing with Justin Bieber. :)
slitherbomb 0
43- I really hate it when I'm referred to as a dumbass by someone who doesn't know the difference between your and you're.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Yo. That kid has 11 million some followers on twitter. Those beliebers get rather vicious when you insult Jbiebs...or so I hear..
maz255 10
op: hehehe bondage sex here i cum..
Brool_Story_Co 17
59- Yes I screwed up one word, I admit it. You have still managed to ignore the rest of my comment though. BTW Thumbing up your own comments right after you post them makes you look a bit desperate for thumbs up
A7X_LoVeee 10
LOLLL. I was actually the first one to thumb his comment up.
Brool_Story_Co 17
No, it appeared with one up, the I thumbed it down, then you thumbed it up
6sick6 4
I'm pretty sure 36 was joking. I laughed :/
Stonedmanalex 0
now we know what #70 does
slitherbomb 0
70- it's a joke. I didn't actually want the guy to beat his wife. Are you autistic? I don't think you can sense sarcasm. Oh and btw, I love thumbing up my own comments. Makes me feel good about myself. Thanks.
6sick6 4
GO 88! :D
Brool_Story_Co 17
I just love thumbing my own comments up after I post them, it makes me feel so good about my life :)
Brool_Story_Co 17
Why don't we thumb up our comments together!
sparklecherry 4
Lol!!
Simpson143 2
58 - Touché. He's the exception. :)
ktateprado 0
Instead of beating her, give her hugs and kisses, tell her you love her, then tell her to make you a sandwich.
Weetart 8
Yes, that may work. But I feel that this was God's way of telling Op to divorce her ass. That will get to the root of all evil. Horoscopes, you must be crazy to actually depend your life on it.
daysgoby902 6
why would that make her crazy. she probably just didnt want to talk to her husband that day.
aFatFuck 0
Horoscope says: SAMMICH TIME, EVERY TIME. AWWWWWWW YEEEAAAAAAA
mynameis1339 0
I thought of bad stuff. Damn. I'm not okay.
hmac1717 0
Wtf
Thisismypchere 8
That's really stupid. I bet, no I don't know...
Brool_Story_Co 17
Thanks for wasting my time with that pointless comment. That was ten seconds of my life wasted reading this pointless drivel.
KiddNYC1O 22
Both of you, thanks so much. Those comments wasted much of my valuable time and effort. Life has now changed for me forever. /sarcasm
6sick6 4
46, is something stuck up your ass? Let people comment!
Brool_Story_Co 17
Did you read that comment and think "wow, that was such an intelligent and meaningful comment, that has added alot of my FML experience, thank you for your intelligence and insight."
BADDiam 4
Lola
ktateprado 0
97- if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all mother*****er.
gchartier90 0
46, it took you ten seconds to read that haha sad
teenager34 0
46- that took u ten seconds ?
_Oblivion_ 12
115 If you're gunna curse at someone grow some balls and dont * it out.
duckie227 22
am I the only one who agreed with 46? that comment was pointless and made no sense. someone needs to learn some grammar
PutItIn 8
46 So u waste Another 30 seconds of your life to write a comment ??
raphanne_fml 33
Agreed with #46 too! And #115, we could also apply your logic to #3's comment: "if you have nothing interesting to say, say nothing at all blank blank". And it probably took #46 10 seconds to read the comment because he had to remove all the maple syrup off his forehead after facepalming mid-sentence to the stupidity of #3's comment, while enjoying a great maple syrup toast! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to French cancan myself to my kitchen to make me a French toast! #46, any maple syrup left?
gchartier90 0
maple syrup jokes , classic and very original
Brool_Story_Co 17
Oh my god, all of you, except for 144 and 161, are you defending #3s comment, that was one of the stupidest comments that I have ever read
Brool_Story_Co 17
It took me 10 seconds because I: Read it once Thought WTF Read it again Thought to myself what a ******* pointless comment
derekwb 0
It took u 10 seconds to read that? Damn
gchartier90 0
well now that you say you read it more then once. the comment is stupid
duckie227 22
yeah that's right. give me the thumbs down because you know I'm right and you are ashamed you didn't think to say it first
NikkaIraKate 1
I agree with 46
NikkaIraKate 1
Its actually pretty stupid and thanks for wasting 12 seconds of my life dick
Tesaatje 12
That's a little bit crazy?
Frijolero_92 1
Does she freak when she spills salt :D
annasworld 3
wow this fml sounds like something my mom would do
ATLBOI770 0
den stop actn like a b n dnt talk to her
KiddNYC1O 22
I see you have qwerty problems.
cowsgomooatyou 8
Dat is so tru man safe blud from da hood.
YourEvilHero 12
dude you sound so gangsta and cool when you say that!!! I'm totally jealous, like can I have your autograph?
YourEvilHero 12
i guess theres nothing wrong with that if you're 12 or a 23 yr old Justin bieber fan
LolMoqz 10
lolwut
Brool_Story_Co 17
Oh my god, are you ******* kidding me. Can you please learn to type like you have a brain instead of typing like a retarded dumbass.
A7X_LoVeee 10
How is this kid a Justin Beiber fan? Sounds straight from the hood so I think you must mean Lil Wayne.
JenDanielle917 13
Learn to spell please, no one can comprehend what your trying to say.
Justforlolz 14
...lolwut?
RebekahBrooke 9
if you do not know words, then please don't try to type them.
Weetart 8
#99, if you are trying to get your point across, especially when it comes to correct English and spelling; then make sure every word of your sentence is correct. It's you're not "your."
killianisboss 0
*you're
Schiffy 18
145 - Sakura's face in your avatar + comment = perfectly lulzworthy.
incrapper 7
none of you guys know his life what if he couldn't finish high school. I grew up in a bad neighborhood and if you don't want to be picked on you had to fit in and also the way people talk will stick to you. like if your from England you will have that type of accent. don't judge before you know. what he meant to say is... Refrain yourself from portraying female characteristics and avoid her
9gag4life 1
I think it's actually easier to type like a normal person rather than that nonesense
KiddNYC1O 22
Does she also make a wish at 11:11?
americanhoney4 6
hey!! there's nothing wrong with making wishes at 11:11!!!
12em12 1
I do.
KiddNYC1O 22
I think for someone who's acknowledged as "wife", most likely over 21, you don't want to practice superficial stuff from High School.
alyssa0 4
Hey, I make wishes at 11:11! :P
RacerX1695 1
I can't wait for November 11, 2011, at 11:11 because it will be the ultimate wish moment. And it will be very sad also…
Taurusbaybe 8
...I do :(
JokerJohn7 0
Lol. Do your wishes come true? Didn't think so.
nerdgastic 4
umm why would it be sad? I mean Skyrim is coming out that day! :D
nerdgastic 4
my other comment was directed at 176
MarkFeehily 0
Me too :)
kevsnev 7
Lol. You even got 11 thumbs up xD
FiestaInMyPants 8
I feel excluded since I've always wished at 12:34..
Hockeyboy4280 18
You have 11 thumbs up... wow. I make a wish, hahaha
KYCats95 5
I once made a wish at 11:11. I wished it would be 11:11. The clock immediately changed to 11:12.
Mipz 2
Now there are ten thumbs up. :p
incrapper 7
179- I bet your a Taurus :)
anakaren_831 1
superstitious much?
ant1078 7
annoy the fk outta her until she cracks ?
MurphyS94 4
Umm or just enjoy the silence?
PopRocks14 0
Annnnnnnnd thats why I don't read horoscopes
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Umm wow
izzabella43 0
Omg ur pic! I went to that tim burton exhibit too! :O High fives! :D