Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
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Top comments
Torva_fml 16
You told her that she needs a new hobby, right?
The_Troller 14
Bitches be crazy!
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Comments (143)
RuCheezBurger 10
Your wife is a troll.
finished 10
... An angry sheep troll??
ThecomingofTan 9
Since your wife seems so gullible , Op, tell her that I need her donation to help rebuild the local Synagogue. ******* arsonists.
poppylamonzo 0
Horoscopes are always right. That shit's craaazyyy!!
twofirstnames 12
You and OP's wife must be so gullible...
THE_A_TEEN 28
If your horoscope says"commit genocide" in some philosophical(sp?) way, would you do it?
desireev 18
No ma'am. Horoscopes always SEEM right because the out-to-get-your-money writers always write them in a vague way. Anyone can relate to anyones' horoscope. So, no, they are not always right. They are always relatable..
nickelyeti 0
tough life huh?
KiddNYC1O 22
Tell her astronomy is much better and more worth it.
Jasonf6 0
Maybe YOU should end it. She's obviously a crackpot.
SmittyJA24 26
I'd be considering a divorce, dude. Seriously.
ashleycuddlebear 0
That could mean anything. I mean I'm into that to. And honestly if she thought more about it it could mean anyone. And betrayal comes in many forms. It's also sad she don't trust you and y'all are married.
markmiller2023 0
its ******* stupid, and so are you for believing it
chasestiner 7
Well you married the bitch
ZDK5498 6
she needs to stop being so paranoid! be a man and tell her that you need to go to your job to get food on the damn table. she needs to change or else it won't work...
xStaciexLynnx 15
Did you go to work? Cause then you kinda did betray her and made it correct...
JustCallMePic 2
Da **** you talkin about?
xStaciexLynnx 15
No, no, no. I don't mean he's actually doing anything wrong. Just that if she's loopy enough to put that much into her horoscope, him going against what she asked is almost definitely a betrayal in her eyes.