Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
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Top comments
Torva_fml 16
You told her that she needs a new hobby, right?
The_Troller 14
Bitches be crazy!
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Comments (143)
hateevryone 15
where did you find that wacko?
majorasshole 4
Thank the **** I ain't ever getting married. Crazy crazy crazy bitches.
dapheronixx03 6
wowww i hatee people who believe in that crap its stupid abd crazy
gene818 13
Little does she know that she will cause it by trying to prevent it
bigdaddy93 8
that is exactly the reason i stay the hell away from California too damn many crazy people
THE_A_TEEN 28
...and everywhere else has very sane people? From a californian, **** YOU!!!
iamray 2
I don't know horoscopes are right for me a lot of the times.
brick_man33 14
Following predictions in astrology has the same relevance, as to following the messages in a fortune cookie. not happening, tell your wife to pick up a new hobbie OP.
pnutbudajelly 0
Yeah probably just let her end the relationship because she's a freaking psycho and you can do better... That's retarded. If she trusts a horoscope more than you, you should probably rethink the relationship...
Levvy 22
It doesn't speak well of her that she cares about whether he physically cheats, but not whether he wants to/would.
Attaru 8
Pffft Astrologys FAKE, Fortune Cookies on the other hand are all powerful...
SN_716 5
This is annoying not just for the obvious reasons, but also because it makes others who like astrology look crazy too. And yeah, the stuff in the papers and online each week is garbage.