Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife says she's not hiding money from me but I checked our joint bank account, which I no longer use, and find she's been transferring money in-and-out of 3 accounts, while taking money from me and getting payday loans to cover it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML
Today, my yearly bonus finally hit my bank account while I was busy at work. Hurrah! Unfortunately, I'm married, so by the time I got a second of free time to check my phone, my email was full of my wife's online shopping receipts, including a non-refundable cruise. I wish we could save money… FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years-old. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
Today, my brat daughter got pissed that I didn't spend "enough" money on her Sweet Sixteen party. She threw a tantrum and told my husband about my affair. FML
Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MsSoulReaper 27
Your wife must not trust you :/ Sorry OP
blcksocks 19
You work 24/7? When do you poop?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
MsSoulReaper 27
Your wife must not trust you :/ Sorry OP
itwasallyellow 0
Obviously..
blcksocks 19
Wow really? We had no way of knowing that until you pointed it out.
blcksocks 19
* We
jillianmathers12 13
You don't say?
alexup24 13
Yes, yes they do.
NeDaroft 5
I wanna go to affair !
CaramelMacchiato 13
79 - Lol, your comment reminded me of the movie Grown Up's where the little girl misinterpreted what her dad said and was like "I wanna get chocolate wasted!" :D
cajekraze 7
Ditch the Bitch, dude. you'll be far happier
cobaltss06 1
Then don't give her the gift if she dnt trust u and always jumps to conclusions like that. Or prove to her where the money went (show her the gift) and then take it back and spend the money on something you want
floridagrllll 0
Then just show her the present earllyy, big deal:3 that'll keep her quiet
penguin_princess 0
And then she'll feel like shit and turn it into an FML! xD
DeviousAngel 13
Why can't OP just tell her, "I bought you a birthday gift." He doesn't have to give her the gift.
Il_Maestro 6
Throw a band-aid on that gunshot wound. That should take care of the REAL problem.
Migole 36
Agreed. I would've been like "well, maybe I bought something nice for you and not some affair because you birthday is in a couple weeks you paranoid bitch?". I know many people cheat but I guess they'd be a tad more clever than to use money from a bank account they share with their partner...
clemsongirl13 0
Well just say I had a SUPRISE for u
dontfmlplzzz 6
A surprise new girlfriend
SliceOfCake 9
4- wouldn't that ruin the surprise? OP is in a lose-lose situation.
jerseyboy732 16
give her the present early and maybe she will forgive you
Matty1188 6
Except there's nothing to forgive him for.
redmane 21
Give her the present early and then she'll realize the error in her reaction.
BaconBoy75 2
Man, that sucks!
zebraface123 6
you don't say?
Michael_92 20
Nahh this is a very good situation in which the OP has a great life.
Trisha_aus 15
Seriously if you have nothing better to say than 'sucks' or 'first' just shut up
elerbears 9
just assure her that its not the case! its all you can do at the moment.
CareFace 16
Do you really think a woman would believe that...? I mean... C'mon... Seriously?
Pupza7 6
It's ironically sad that your saying this to a women's comment...
jizzwold 21
Or is it sadly ironic?
CaptMurdock 25
Maybe you should give her the present and explain
blcksocks 19
You work 24/7? When do you poop?
Michaelsgirl04 9
that's what smartphones are for.so you can work while you poop
GoW_Chick 15
9- I imagined the kitten in your picture asking that question, entertained myself for a second. :)
ohSNAPyall 27
OP is an astronaut.
lopsop 12
ASStronaut get it? Because poop? Ok I'll leave now
sikmunkee 9
sorry op...fyl
rubberduckie94 13
Suspicious and too dumb to know her birthday is coming up? That is always a good combination.
PrincessPesa 20
Almost as good a combination as orange juice concentrate and gasoline... OP's wife is the napalm of relationships.