Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Torva_fml 16
You told her that she needs a new hobby, right?
The_Troller 14
Bitches be crazy!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (143)
KnucklesDeep 5
You told her she's a ******* idiot for believing that horseshit, right?
jmcdizzle 1
Dump that crazy bitch!!!
theonlysweetpea 10
You need to leave her. "For better or worse" does not mean living with a benign Joker/Riddler.
Cloudberry 10
He needs to leave his wife because of something like this? People like you are why divorce rates are only going up. -_-
HahaYDI 0
She's on to you!
perdix 31
Phone in sick and **** her brains out. You'll soon be in league with the "money-grubbing frauds" whenever you get horny and have a sick day to burn.
Ariana2_fml 2
Your wife is....delusional
djsaxby 1
One word comes to mind " insecurity". Leave her and find someone who's trusting of you
Calyx_fml 22
Don't skip work. Astrology is retarded. If you do it then you are her bitch. The bitch of someone unreasonable and insecure. If she wants to dump you over it then let her.
wittygirl 8
It's called pseudo psychology for a reason. It's a lie and your wife I'm sorry to say is an imbecile for reading into it... Get a divorce.
evilplatypus 39
Pseudoscience, not psychology.
racheljessie 17
To everyone saying "get a divorce", I do not think that this a divorce-able offense. She's just gullible, that's all. Horoscopes are meant to be vague so that people like OP's wife will interpret them in a way that makes them self-fulfilling prophesies. In other words, people who believe in astrology think it works because they make their horoscopes come true in their minds.
evilplatypus 39
They aren't saying get a divorce because she believes in astrology. They're saying it because she's insane enough to put more faith in astrology than the man she loved enough to marry. It's the ultimatum that's a deal-breaker to me. Psycho lady needs to get her priorities straightened out.
racheljessie 17
evilplatypus- I understand that people are saying they should divorce because of the ultimatum. What I meant was that unless she has done this multiple times, which we do not know, I do not think that this is something to get a divorce over.
evilplatypus 39
Trust is the basis of any and all stable and worthwhile relationships. If she trusts astrology more than her husband then their relationship has no solid base. Anything build on a weak or fractured base is doomed to collapse (usually catastrophically). Divorce that b*tch.
racheljessie 17
jsfromga- I only really think this couple should divorce if this is a major and continuing problem. We do not have the advantage of knowing the full story. For all we know, this could have been the first time OP's wife has done anything like this and all they need to do is work things out. If she has had trust issues in this marriage before, then by all means they should divorce.
glittercookies 12
Well if he decides to get a divorce for whatever reasons there may be, we are all here to support his decision.
ilyWoods 5
Maybe she was desperate to spend time with him. Or maybe he has controlling traits too.. Who knows, we got a one-sided, partial recap of the real story.
downtime 13
What it comes down to is this guy knew she was an idiot before they married, so if hes happy to marry an idiot he can continue to be happy in his idiot relationship. Divorcing over something so stupid is pointless on both sides. I doubt he could do any better anyway, nobody marries a moron if they don't have to.