Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
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Top comments
Torva_fml 16
You told her that she needs a new hobby, right?
The_Troller 14
Bitches be crazy!
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Comments (143)
Torva_fml 16
You told her that she needs a new hobby, right?
Torva_fml 16
She cought you red handed before you even cheated, you bastard! Forgive me for #1, it was lame.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Meh, it happens, Torva...
WeAreAHurricane 14
People like her ruin astrology :(
The_Troller 14
I don't know that a new hobby would be any better, this one is fairly harmless. Just make sure she doesn't take up knife collecting.
n_epic_fail 14
That's when you a) get her a shrink b) find her a new hobby c) if all else fails start running in the opposite direction.
WeAreAHurricane 14
For some people it's a fun hobby...people chose to believe what they want and their way to believe it.
DocBastard 40
It's not harmless if it causes marital strife and missed work.
DayAndNite 8
You tell that at parties bro?
eyeIoveyou 4
she lacks in an important quality in a relationship - trust.
HahaHokayThen 10
56- you forgot sanity.
eyeIoveyou 4
that too. ;D
VorpikeII 17
I don't understand how the human race is stupid enough (some of us anyways) to believe in this kind of crap. It's just pathetic.
obviousboy 8
I bet you like twilight too, don't you? :P
obviousboy 8
My previous comment was clearly meant for weareahurricane lol.
maybeeiwill 11
Astrology definately has a role in society as it has been used for thousands of years but to predict current trends of millions of people is ludacris
maybeeiwill 11
If we r talking crazy rappers, I still vote Ludacris...
VorpikeII 17
In general I don't find rapping all that interesting as far as music goes, all though I have heard some good rap songs.
The_Weirdo 10
Oh god, not again.
Shrike 24
Nice weather, eh MrMisfit?
ColdplaySucks 18
Wow she's that retarded? Maybe it's best she lock herself in a room for a few years.
PYLrulz 17
134 - I think (hopefully) what the person is getting at is that it had it's time and place.
bebohacker1 4
Mrmisfit, i think you saved us from the music rap debate. I applaud your efforts lol.
maybeeiwill 11
132 - there is a clear difference between slavery, animal sacrifice and astrology, by thousands of years I would hope most people would assume I was referring to the relevance astrology had in ancient times and their understanding of it and building things in relation to it. In that sense, trying to discover how they accurately depicted those things, astrology has it's role.
tjv3 10
Leave her psycho ass
The_Troller 14
Bitches be crazy!
xSonic 9
You have an ironic username
Classic_PWN 1
You should sooo add me on xbox 'The_Troller' X Classy Cow X
ladycamo 0
I thought it was "bitches be trippin"... ;p
soccerguy2 11
I thought the exact words even before I clicked on the comments.
nadyy14 8
She's a crazy wife!
Dinkle 1
No shit.
StoryOfTheYear 15
^^^ Now there is. Your comment. Ohhhhhhhhh! Apologies for the middle school humor.
smurfsarwales 9
Don't let her turn the tables on you, soon she won't let you out the kitchen.
Classic_PWN 1
Well, will you?
jackii1313 9
Bitch, please!
dontfmlplzzz 6
Confucius say, your wife is weak minded
scrework 6
Confucius also say 'man who runs in front of car, get tired. Man who runs behind car, get exhausted.' I say OP in this marriage, is tired.
desireev 18
Confucius also says 'a naked man never fears a pick-pocket' Lol I thought I'd share..
cabo07 6
Daamn your wife is craazy. :P
Torva_fml 16
Just gullible.
B1ondeLady 7
Doesn't mean she's not crazy.
G0v3nat0r 7
She obviously isn't mature enough to trust you
wooley29 8
That's a tough one to tell your boss. Hopefully you made a good day out of it. That is if you stayed home.
THE_A_TEEN 28
She is stupid beyond belief if she is going to take the word of her horoscope and not let her husband make his hard earned income. Dumb bitch...
TheNewGuy03 29
It really seems like she's one of those stereotypical lardass wives that fester in their couch all day, poring over the horoscopes while munching on Little Debbie snack cakes and puffing on a Marlboro cigarette, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm just wondering if the dude knew about her penchant for believing in stupid shit before he married her, because that would be his own damn fault. Like in most marriage-related problems, OP must first try to dissuade her from being a gullible idiot who makes bullshit threats. If that doesn't work, then...well, you know. The "d" word. |the kid|
DocBastard 40
What, you don't believe that 1/12 of the entire human race will betray someone close to them today?
lolapple 0
Run.
lolapple 0
Sorry
Lanceeden 12
It's ok ^
intothecrypt 3
No it's not.
xSonic 9
Yes.....YES IT IS!!!