Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
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Top comments
Torva_fml 16
You told her that she needs a new hobby, right?
The_Troller 14
Bitches be crazy!
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Comments (143)
drealmorales 2
Tell her to go on the show CHEATERS and prove her wrong! :-)
JhasNeeh 7
And by posting this on here you have indeed confirmed the prediction right. Good thing these are nice and vague so they will always come true,
kroekdog 7
Well the gods have spoken to her.
whennotlooking 0
Just stay home, bro. Problem solved
reaganomics 6
Tell her your Celtic runes beg to differ
flockz 20
does cheating on her with your right hand count?
THE_A_TEEN 28
I hope not. I've been using Mr. Fisty and Ms. Fisty for about a few years now, and through two relationships.
Argumental_Rhino 8
THE_A_TEEN, you never fail to amuse me.
skinflint 6
but did she slahbun z nahbun to make up for it. I have found that crazy girls really make up for it with great sex.
Torva_fml 16
I head to read your comment like 5 times to get what you meant... :/
VorpikeII 17
I've read it 10 times and still don't get it.
B1ondeLady 7
Well would you mind translating it for the rest of us?
Katastrophe101 8
20 is asking if the wife 'slobbed on his knob' as in gave him a bj. Don't worry. I had to read it a few times too.
black_martin 1
Slob on the knob...give head, same ball park
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
There's been enough FMLs like this to scare me away from marrying someone superstitious ;) eff ur ell op
abbybailey204 19
I'd tell her that I would get fired if I missed one more day
twofirstnames 12
Stars can't predict a persons life. Just ignore it and if she's serious then congrats you married someone not so smart. FYL though, paranoid girlfriends/ wives can be a pain I bet