Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes, "Betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML
Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
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Top comments
Torva_fml 16
You told her that she needs a new hobby, right?
The_Troller 14
Bitches be crazy!
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Comments (143)
PYLrulz 17
It's one thing when astrology is read and taken at face value, a joke. Your wife on the other hand... I would suggest calling for the men with a white jacket on hand.
Levvy 22
If you feel like salvaging your relationship, or at least improving her a little as a person, try an experiment. Get a bunch of astrological profiles. Then mix up which sign goes with which one. Have her try to guess which is hers on a couple of trials. If they hold any kind of specific, consistent truth, she should be able to, right? Or dig up a few predictions from yesterday (from a source she doesn't read) and have her figure out which was hers for the day. If a specific one came true, she should be able to spot it.
Pazu_fml 10
I only WISH people who believed in the supernatural were willing to put their beliefs to the test, but chances are that proposing this will just lead to "Why can't you just respect my beliefs!?" and similar whining. Even if objectively proven false, a believer will continue to cling to their irrational beliefs, and will lash out against those who openly doubt and question them.
rainy_man 4
ohhh my... Im so sorry for you:(
missfancypants 5
She's on a whole. Notha. Level.
kitsune3 20
Wow, that's just...**** it, i'm gonna say it bluntly. Your wife needs to pulls her head out of her ass. I find astrology interesting, but I don't buy the horoscopes. I'm more into the aspects behind the signs, as well as things about other celestial beings. Personally, I think people who believe horoscopes are no more sensible than any person who believes a cell phone app is right about the fate of the person's relationship. I feel sorry for people like your wife, OP. She's not stupid, just gullible as all hell.
twaumat 28
leave her! and if you dont have enough cohones then suck it up and deal with it.
dtm3 3
You need a couple of guys in white coats to take her away!
lady_rapid10 0
Ur wife is very insecure.. Im a jealous girl no lie about that but to do that is just pass the lines of trust
nverbe 1
I could care less if astrology is real or not, but I do appreciate the irony in that you are here spilling her and your personal business on the internet for the world to read.
tsquaredyosur 3
Well you probably are