Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
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Top comments
Llama_Face89 34
Hormones...
thatonegirlnic 10
If you did this to her, you are bound for the aftermath
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Comments (174)
Llama_Face89 34
Hormones...
Sports_guy3 28
agreed. stay in there, OP.
Zarniclopsindorf 24
Hormones or not, rude is rude. :-( Try to be patient though.
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
22- When you are pregnant and have a human growing inside you, and have tons of different emotions, you don't think about being patient or nice to people.
\ 28
*whoremoans
SuperCasual 13
Yes #80, a woman is a ***** because she is pregnant with her husbands kid.
Casp 4
Love these types of FML's where no matter what a pregnant woman does, everyone just says hormones. "Today, my pregnant wife murdered our neighbors" FML community - "Uhhhh... hormones!!!"
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
"Hormones... " Okay, I know she's complaining a lot, and for completely ridiculous things, but there's no reason to call her a *****.
MrsDruidess 23
hang in there OP! I am dealing with morning sickness myself! Make sure she gets a full 7-8 hours (really helps) and right before bed, Greek yogurt! Its full of protein, it really helps coming morning. Also if she pukes it up, it comes up really easy, so I keep regular cheap yogurt for just when I feel icky. Feed her as soon as she gets out of bed, but have her spend a few mins laying in bed first, even if she has to return to it after her 1st am pee. In that time, try making her malt-o-meal, its easy on the tummy. I am at 11 weeks, so I am almost out of the woods! She will be too very soon. Good Luck OP!!
thatonegirlnic 10
If you did this to her, you are bound for the aftermath
Jennielee 6
Eyes not door
Raidriar 14
Bananas are healthy and nutritious. Why should he have not offered it to her? Is it his fault it happens to resemble genetalia? Or is it his fault he was born a man and that men do not get pregnant?
dachayke 16
@106-a little?
Catkam623 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's when you whipped it out and said I'd rather have you put this in your mouth. Right... Right...
Rainhawk94 27
Left...left...no
Megan_Ashley 9
Uh no
DocBastard 40
Clearly you have never been around a pregnant woman before.
\ 28
Three things you don't ever mess with: Pregnant women, pregnant women, and Booda_Shun.
Welshite 40
#84: So you're calling yourself a pregnant woman. Everything makes a little more sense now.
Cadillac4427 8
Doc Bastard ....never a dull momentO:-)
Britterz 12
I am sure that is a quick way to get your pregnant wife to go Amy Fischer on you. I am thinking of the correct celebrity...right?
KayleeFrye 39
No, Amy Fisher is the teen who shot her older lover's wife. Could you be thinking of Lorena Bobbit, who cut off her husband's penis?
\ 28
I will admit, that joke failed. Backfired. *sob*
Britterz 12
yes! That is who I was thinking of. awh well, a fail on my part, I guess I should have used google haha.
DevilsAltair 8
Jasmeent11 15
You guys been missing out recently?
evan_7899 28
You, are, a dumbass
airforce987 20
#11 is a little confused I think
Welshite 40
#11: You can have sex during a pregnancy.
xSkittle 16
Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you don't have sex..
phatdaddy62 23
My ex and I had our best sex when she was pregnant.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Shhh! Don't tell 11 that! Let them suffer when they are or their mate is pregnant. It'd be so much more fun that way..
Adree 15
You really thought you couldn't have sex while pregnant?
Mshrodes 13
Are you implying you can't have sex when pregnant or did I misunderstand ?
perdix 31
No, you can't have sex when you're pregnant -- the baby could be born pregnant!
SammyS2012 21
47- the baby is actually pretty firm in there. hes not as fragile as some would think
gc327072 31
66- this could lead to complications such as infinite loop.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
You actually believed you couldn't have sex when you're pregnant, yet I'm the dumb one? Haha man, that's logic at its finest.
Jasmeent11 15
Why did I get so many negative thumbs ahahah
Ramanella 26
78- what do you think
Rainhawk94 27
I bet #78's life depends on the number.of likes she gets
Palirose 22
In #11s defense a lot of people are mislead to believe it's not safe to have sex during pregnancy. I used to think the same thing until I looked it up. Some people, especially first time parents if they're not too informed will become scared of harming the baby. It just takes simple research or asking a doctor. :P
stretchedthin 20
when I was pregnant I enjoyed sex hell my Dr recommend that my husband and I have sex as long as we were not to rough and stop immediately if there was pain other then that it would help with some aches (ie hip ligaments since it was my first child and they were stretching) orgasms help prepare the uterus (strengthen the uterine muscles) for labor. Sex was my favorite exercise.
Reaper5639 16
More and more idiots are joining FML lately. Just seep through the comments and see for yourself. I used to enjoy reading the comments, now all I get is face palms and confusion.
Jasmeent11 15
78 - No? I was just asking why people are so negative nowadays. Now just watch how many negatives this will get me.
monnanon 14
how big do you think your dick is if you think it will harm your baby. i can understand people being squemish or pregnancy sex, i found it really weird thinking that there was a baby in my belly and had this odd phobia that it would know what we were up to in a vouyeristic sense (i know its odd) but to think you can physically harm the baby? sounds like a backhanded way or giving yourself a compliment if you ask me.
dvojplisen 25
Such an unusual sight - dumbass being argued by an utter idiot :) You see, world isn't black'n'white, I guess...
BubbleGrunge 18
I'm sorry OP, but the best advice that anyone could give you is to be gentle with her and her fluctuating mood swings. "**** you hormones, not Allison,hormones."
Jellybean22 14
She's pregnant... What do you expect?
MrSassypants 34
"What to expect when expecting: a baby."
Melix 31
7 more months to go I'm guessing? But you'll make it through ^_^
evan_7899 28
Did she peel the top only and then lick it seductively?
LittleBastard 20
She doesn't need to be such a dick about it.
Melix 31
*ba dum tss*
stretchedthin 20
it's called hormones and you can't control it I bit off my husband's head for some things that normally I wouldn't have done so before I was pregnant. You just cannot help it
GSU2013 6
Woosh
LittleBastard 20
#129 Its depressing at how you took that so literally. :(
lifeisfabulous 10
Well that's what hormones do to you.