Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
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Top comments
Llama_Face89 34
Hormones...
thatonegirlnic 10
If you did this to her, you are bound for the aftermath
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Comments (174)
xSkittle 16
It's the hormones talking, better get used to it
mangobbler 11
Hormones, the only substance that kills common sense faster than alcohol. Good luck with all this, OP, but in all truth, as pregnancies go, you would probably enjoy some freaky fruit festival going on, as the best option is unavailable. xD
tukies 28
Next time offer her crackers.
puppyXluvz123 9
Just peel it and cut it up for her so it's not in that shape. A pretty easy fix. And for people who can't get their minds' out if the gutter, I mean the banana. Not his dick.
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Pretty sure the other option would hurt more than just, "a bit."
buckeye_state 11
It sounds like she's a little magnesium deficient. good luck and congratulations!!
Zebediabolical 45
Next time just unzip!
fakedsincerity 32
reason number 28 for not getting pregnant; crazy hormones.
Rainhawk94 27
What are the other 27 reasons
fakedsincerity 32
bravo 45; saved me a lot of time and effort there!
Nordrag 26
I cant imagine why you would assume negative thumbs 45. that was a well thought out impressive list.
FerrisCat 7
Also, people just taking liberties and touching the tummy. Never been pregnant but I know plenty of women don't like people just talking up and rubbing the baby bump.
monnanon 14
i had some random old lady do that to me while i was pregnant. i decided to tell her i was not prgnant but fat and faked getting really upset about her mistake. that was one old lady belly rub too far
sanecatlady 13
Actually, those are all the reasons I have no desire to have children, either. Except that number 4 would be number one because I'm emetaphobic. :(
FloMarDee 19
sorry, but it's probably NOT going to get any better... I'm 25 weeks pregnant now and I cried last week because someone ate the last piece of cheese in the fridge...smh, it sux for all involved
MrSassypants 34
I can just imagine OP trying to find food in his house and of all them can be considered phallic objects. *Rummages through food* "How about this hot dog... that won't do.. this popsicle... no!... umm this cucumber... damn it... this carrot... that won't work... this lolipop... of course not... this corndog... NO!" Then OP screaming: "WHY DO I ONLY HAVE THESE TYPES OF FOOD AVAILABLE!"
ironichalibut 24
Because his wife is a bubbling pot of hormones that subconsciously bought phallic foods. Edit not being sexist about his wife being the one to buy food, just makin a joke
amisenho 11
Freud would have a lot to say about the contents of that fridge.
Enslaved 38
I once challenged serval of my girlfriends to eat a banana in front of their husbands and maintain eye contact the whole time. The ending results were pleasantly surprising for all of them . :P
LittleBastard 20
I wonder what happened.