Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
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Top comments
saraitkddh 47
look at the bright side, you are not the one who is pregnant!
tony1891 22
out of all things to run out of. you run out of dog food. come on man.
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Comments (107)
saraitkddh 47
look at the bright side, you are not the one who is pregnant!
MzZombicidal 36
I was thinking the same thing, #1. It's one thing to deal with a pregnant person, it's another thing entirely to personally experience those mood swings! That being said, this is now one of my absolute favorite FML stories, OP. It'll be worth it :P
letmehavemytea 21
Yeaaaah, the horrors he's experiencing is nothing compared to what his poor hormone addled wife has to go through.
geekbuscus 19
As someone currently experiencing bad morning sickness and constantly wanting to cry or cut someone or just go to sleep, I would like to say this this this. I absolutely love that I am pregnant but being pregnant SUCKS.
tony1891 22
out of all things to run out of. you run out of dog food. come on man.
thefmlman2011 37
hahaha!
quickit 24
Must have been real woof.
jake_braves 25
Barking up the wrong tree I tell you! Shouldn't run out of dog food..do you want your wife to have a breakdown?
dolphins_penny 5
Ahhhh, the joys of pregnancy. Where every little detail counts and gross things happen way too often. Good luck pal, sounds like she's in the first trimester. I had morning sickness and everything and by the end I was crying over everything and ready to tear my bfs head off and use it to play football.
worldclassrager 41
Well Walmart never does close...get some dog food...
UO88 10
Not all walmarts are 24hrs. I know of a few that close at 11-12pm.
kk21days 14
Get that poor woman some chocolate, man. You can never go wrong with chocolate. (unless she doesn't like it or is allergic)
may14th 26
then in that case you can go wrong with chocolate
geekbuscus 19
24, pregnant lady here who is currently repulsed by sweets (makes it fun working in a cookie shop, eh?) so you absolutely can go wrong with chocolate but the thought is sweet and that's what counts.
Ajwc95 23
Learn to take a joke #7.
stephypop 13
Where I live, the latest they're open is 10pm
tantanpanda 26
#60, YOU learn when to realize whether something is a joke or not. The commenter was actually serious about walmarts being 24 hours; It wasn't a joke.
ClassyCataclasis 4
clearly she wants dog food and he better deliver!
val_is_lame97 12
hey soon you will be holding a beautiful baby. its all worth it
russfml 31
Haha holding a beautiful baby that will puke on you, just like your wife. Get used to it lol
Misswildsides 22
Well doesn't someone like to rain on people's parade? ^
False_Stupidity 42
He can get used to being woken at 5am for that matter too!
voltroz 18
All these sacrifices are worth it when your child calls you daddy and kisses you when you least expect it. The feeling is magical. Hold on, just 2 more trimester to go
cheeeksss 29
In 9 (or less) months... It'll all be worth it.
Saicere 15
She's carrying your (I hope!) child, I'm sure you can find it in your heart to forgive and look after her for a little while.
patrickeli 15
I had a hormonal pregnant teacher in high school. They're so irritable and annoying.
askullnamedbilly 33
They're growing a human being and their hormones are way out of whack. Cut them some ******* slack.
fsomelife 26
In all fairness, unless #10 impregnanted said teacher, I don't see any reason why he should have to deal with the pregnancy and all its perks. As far as the FML goes - yeah, your comment is spot-on for OP. Although I don't think he's placing any blame...
skippydoda 32
My brother had a teacher that was pregnant. Her boyfriend left her. Failed all of the male students, was a complete bitch to any male.
CoGhostRider 31
Pickles covered with mayonnaise... If she would have had that a few months ago she wouldn't be sick now, am I right?
Chaith 16
If that's a dick reference then wouldn't she still be pregnant and sick? Haha.
omnia 5
Get out.
sweetbliss3 37
that's probably why she has morning sickness now, bc she had it a few months ago. or am I missing something?
DoubleDosexo 12
#14, you can't get pregnant from swallowing cum...
Criminallylnsane 13
#72 you can if you eat using your OTHER lips