Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML
Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. Five minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML
Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML
Today, I was doing my nightly exercises in the living room after my kids went to bed. My youngest got up and saw me doing some hip mobility moves that I’ll admit look a little weird. He then told his teacher that mommy was humping a pillow on the floor. FML
Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML
Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML
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Top comments
rgri 11
I guess she can't use you as a reference.
TwistedCherub1 15
What people are into is their business and shouldn't disqualify them from any job UNTIL they involve your kid. Fire her and tell everyone you know.
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Comments (55)
rgri 11
I guess she can't use you as a reference.
184886837272837 32
Can someone please tell me what a sex swing is? I don't know yet but I think I want one...
alshygirl 14
You could always google it
rgri 11
Google is your friend.
Joedbag 8
Ewwww!
CVTTRVN 19
What in the world is a sex swing??
isallwaysme 27
self explanatory. a swing to have sex on.
Michael903 18
You'll have to Google it but it is just like the name implies.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
That's kind of amazing you've never heard of a sex swing. A ton of movies have them in 'em for comical purposes, not just the "movies" that'll show you how to use it..
Cazz91 21
IMO, One of the best and fun inventions ever to spice up your intimate life with #3 (if you're into the swing that is).
flashback_fml 14
I'm surprised you of all people don't know what it is
SergeantSnuggles 12
I was wondering... the same thing. Ya learn something new everyday! Lmfao!
ptoka 20
Being one of the first commenters means nothing if your comment is so drab. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to google an item before posting such a question, and if you can't do that imagine it in your head... Odds are your own image will be cleaner than the actual.
CobraLazerFace 21
@31 Why not attach firework sprinklers to your head and run down the street yelling "LOOK AT ME"?
bigpops 12
Why the negative votes for 31?
rockne93 17
This is just terrible
olpally 33
Please tell me you fired her. That's just wrong.
xXxGraveStonexXx 20
It was at the babysitter's house..
Jessa91 10
As you should :)
TwistedCherub1 15
What people are into is their business and shouldn't disqualify them from any job UNTIL they involve your kid. Fire her and tell everyone you know.
randybryant799 21
why should she be fired? she didn't hurt the kid one bit.
sunnyray812 42
That is beyond disgusting to let a child play on a sex swing. Highly inappropriate.
CobraLazerFace 21
Her husband must love the baby sitter though!
ottokat 15
not entirely sure what you're insinuating but im pretty sure it warrants a punch in the face
ThatTennisKid14 13
OP, I have to recommend that you find a new babysitter...
isallwaysme 27
no shit.
MrsDruidess 23
I recommend doing a little more digging into who you pick too! While I feel for you that your kid might remember this, I blame you OP for not knowing what kind of person is watching your son, and at least looking at the place you leave him at!
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
74 it very clearly says it's her daughter, not her son. Also, she's a child, she doesn't know the difference. To her it's just a swing.
blackychan63 12
Umm.. Report her.
caden_bro 9
To who?
TurquoiseJesus 15
To the president of the United States, obviously.
ottokat 15
Dear Mrs. Hslajrowkxnz, I recieved your letter about the babysitter and, to say the least, am very disturbed. Please stop sending letters. sincerely, Obama
emilycb93 12
That's a whole new level of disturbing. Report that girl, and start getting references for your new sitters.