Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
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Top comments
Llama_Face89 34
Hormones...
thatonegirlnic 10
If you did this to her, you are bound for the aftermath
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Comments (174)
Voij 16
If it happens again, then you could try changing the presentation in order for it to be more appealing. In this case it'd be cutting the banana into slices, then decorating with some toasted bread[good against sickness], maybe a hint of chocolate for the sweetness on the side. Learning how to do something like that also has the added benefit of teaching you delicious cooking, good for having a romantic dinner when the kids have a sleepover somewhere else. [I've heard that women really enjoy having a partner who can cook well.]
Rainhawk94 27
.....wat
underthesea12 24
your wife is right! you are a Pervert!
Norvi 26
If she doesn't feel like eating, just leave her alone. Instead, try asking her if there's something she'd like to eat next time, OP.
cfoser 5
she doesn't want to eat because of the morning sickness but she NEEDS to eat for the health of her and her child so what you said is a bit invalid.
monnanon 14
but it is not important that she eats everyday especially if it is making her sick. also asidr from the whole phallic thing eho offers a slimy wierdly textured strong tasting food to someone who is sick. im just biased becuase i dont like bananas.
Jennaflamingo 14
Ah, good ole hormones
imagineapc 11
There is a hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin that only occurs naturally during pregnancy. This hormone release anywhere between 1500-4000 calories into your wife's body per day - and most of those go straight to your baby. Let her be, your baby will be fine and you won't be in the doghouse
monnanon 14
you really believe this? hiw can a hormone relase fuel into the body that is not there already. it cant just create it. going a day without food will not do her or the baby any harm though.
xSkittle 16
#43, you should get your facts straight.
fakedsincerity 32
please don't reproduce, #43.
DocBastard 40
Uhhh...what? I know I fell asleep during some medical school lectures, but I didn't think I missed THAT much! Shit, what the hell else did I miss?
imagineapc 11
The hormone hcg utilizes calories found in the body's stored fat. It is the hormone that pregnancy tests use to identify pregnancy. A synthetic version is used in the hcg protocol, written by Dr. Simeons, and is a very effective weight loss method when paired with proper diet and maintainence.
imagineapc 11
All of this information can be obtained from any licensed OB-GYN, or on the website Discovery Health and Fitness. So yes, I believe this. It's factual. And I've already had one completely healthy pregnancy, thanks.
KayleeFrye 39
Spouting random nonsense about how the female body works...are you a middle aged, male Republican, by any chance?
Epikouros 32
So if I take this artificial hcg hormone, I can look as thin as a pregnant woman?
xSkittle 16
There is no proof HCG helps with the loss of weight.
monnanon 14
i have also had one healthy pregnancy too. tell me why, if this is true, i lost over a stone in weight despite eating almost the same as i did before.
cfoser 5
SHE still needs to be healthy to carry the child.
monnanon 14
missing one day of food wont make her unhealthy.
JhovannyA 7
For the next time take the extra step of cutting the banana into small bite size pieces. It should help OP. At least you can say you tried something to help her.
EvilLittleMan 23
I wonder what her reaction would be if you added two whole Kiwi Fruits to the banana?
perdix 31
Evidentially, she prefers phallic objects to be stuck in her elsewhere ;)
Saava 29
Well, correct me ifI'm wrong, but bananas aren't so light after all. Or are they?
the_real_dvd 21
Actually, bananas are a food that will settle an upset stomach.
Saava 29
Oh. Thanks, that's some handy knowledge :)
Firebalone 13
Tell her bananas actually help with morning sickness. Especial after you eat a meal, always have a banana after. I did that when I was pregnant and it works great! Never got morning sickness after the first time. :)
monnanon 14
some people have really severe morning sickness that makes the eating of anything but dry cracker impossible. my sister lived off of water biscuits. bananas make me feel sick at thr best of times too.
conqueror57 11
A single sip of water made me throw up. I had to drink things with carbonation, and crackers made me sick, too. It was a horrible time for me. When my husband cooked himself dinner I would have to leave the room so I wouldn't be sick.