Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML
Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, my mother scolded me for having a lighter in my room. My reason I had it? The candle that she bought me for my 25th birthday. I don't even live with her anymore, she showed up uninvited, and started going through my stuff. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML
Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML
Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML
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Top comments
HAMY_fml 23
That's some great parenting. sorry about the bed op
james98e 15
If I were you, I'd be up in flames!
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Comments (128)
annarcheer 19
Is that considered a mental condition..?
annarcheer 19
Okay. Thank you.
rockwrench 18
Fire setting as a child is an early sign of some deeply rooted problems. Nothing to take lightly. Keep one eye open when you sleep.
Brandi_Faith 34
Ya, I didn't realize that pyromania was defined as a mental condition. I thought maybe the dad was talking about some other disorder (like adhd or something (not that that's a mental condition)) that the pyromania stems from. Either way, the kid still needs to learn right from wrong and that doing bad things have serious consequences. And not a new dollhouse type of consequence!
GrinchFu1 27
As long as they're trying to find her help in the process... I'd have bought her a dollhouse too if it meant I could sleep a few more nights without having to worry about being burned alive. Sorry bout your luck :-/
Mauskau 36
That's just teaching her that to get new things, all she has to do is set things on fire. Do not encourage that.
lady_lipz 7
That actually makes some sense; it's for the health and well-being of others, until they can get her help, IF that's the case.
slyde32 12
you two are idiots "oh I know, I'll reward her with a doll house so I can sleep in without worrying about her" if that was my child she'd get a smack and I'd remove anything even slightly flammable from her room. "guess what sweetie, you don't have bed sheets or curtains in your room anymore"
jqmalang 17
To burn your ground sheets.. wtf. I'm sorry OP.
dragoongirl90 34
I'd be so angry. But then, I'm a hot head. Your dad had no reason to be so burnt up at you. Your sister seriously needs to be put somewhere where she won't be a danger anymore. I'm sorry you have to walk on hot coals in your family. I'd call the cops if I were you. Such a hot situation.
shorty6823 28
You tried too hard. And failed.
sicksadworld1317 30
I actually found that funny, but the last line jumped the shark.
paintedchocolate 30
Set it on fire.
Brandi_Faith 34
Yes, then he'd probably get a new Xbox or something, cause that's what happens when you light things on fire apparently.
pastel_fml 18
Your house burned down? Your dad shouldn't have provoked her.
subduedbeast 14
Appeasement tactics never work. Look at WWII
nataliewby 25
I'd be fuming if I were you
rinzler806 9
How dare you get set on fire! Grounded for a month!
Nessco 36
I have a feeling we'll be hearing from you again. Probably on the news or in an article talking about how your sister was rewarded for these acts and you were punished after she starts some massive bushfire that burns down half the state. I wonder what the judge will think when that time comes.