Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
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Top comments
invadermaythe1st 35
What does she do when you carve pumpkins?
Thatissarcastic 17
Extreme sports edition: watermelon cutting
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Comments (49)
invadermaythe1st 35
What does she do when you carve pumpkins?
darksilence17 10
I'm the second to comment suck it everyone! also did u eat the watermelon still?
talking_toilet 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You're mom is a bitch
MrSassypants 34
I think it's easy to understand why your name is talking toilet when you're leaving shitty comments like that.
hellnosucka 27
I think it's easy to understand why your name is Mr sassypants when you're leaving sassy comments like that.
acps199610 12
Oh hell no, I'm out of here! Peace, sucka!
LilMissCanadian 22
Did you not read the FML? She didn't take her medication.
fmlperson8264 16
*your
juicy_extasy 25
Sounds like a difficult condition which your mom is diagnosed with
KingKralj 31
Probably suffers bitch syndrome
FuckThisLogin 32
Well you could've...
Thatissarcastic 17
Extreme sports edition: watermelon cutting
cole66 14
how big was the knife?
daGun 18
No more watermelons! I hope your mother gets better soon and takes her meds. Then all the watermelon you can eat.
Anti_Sora 31
I think you should be careful with knifes around your mom from now on.
nickname_nick 11
Well if you still want some watermelon maybe ask her to cut it for you, less work and you get watermelon!