Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. For the first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year-old son came in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
"Look, it's hidden in Mommy's dungeon! Quick, get it!"
thestrangedude 10
At least they didn't call the police first
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Comments (156)
Bulldozer36 21
I give props to your husband but maybe scream into a pillow next time to muffle the sound.
israelnotjacob 20
You have two kids and still haven't learned how to control your screams? YDI
NeatNit 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your kids have nerf guns and you have extremely loud sex while they're napping. What a healthy environment for a child.
Pleonasm 36
Ah yes, Nerf Guns, well known for their devastating effects on children. You can never be too careful with low speed softened projectiles.
JACKxRAWR 22
Haha, seriously? Nerf guns ******* rule. My friend's little brother has loads of 'em and whenever there's a group of us at his house we always end up having a huge battle.
TheBrochure 22
Nerf Guns ruined my life, and really took a tragic toll on my brother's, as well. He is currently in a 24/7 rehab program, but is showing little signs of progress. Did you know that for Nerf rehab, they don't pad anything, as the foam can trigger reactions instilled by the violence of Nerf Guns, just like veterans who suffer from PTSD? Hasbro really unleashed a monster.
Pleonasm 36
You said it. First Monopoly, now Nerf... HASBRO YOU TOOK MY FAMILY APART PIECE BY ******* TOY PIECE, YOU MONSTERS! JIMMY YOU DIED TOO SOON IN THAT TRAGIC TWISTER ACCIDENT, TOO SOON! I'LL MEET YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE, BY THE BEYBLADE BATTLE ARENA!
littlekellilee 45
Yes, Nerf Guns, the only toys they sell at Toys R Us that aren't really for kids...
WhisperSoflty 20
13, take your namby-pamby bucket-of-suck attitude elsewhere. Those kids are lucky! They have cool toys and parents who love each other. So mom was really into the sex this time, it's not that big of a deal. How is that in any way a harmful environment for any child?
RedPillSucks 33
Arrrr maties.... I lost me eye in a tragic nerf accident back in '03. Now I have to wear an eye patch and this damn parrot is digging into my shoulder.
swick25 22
when the hell else are parents with kids supposed to have sex??? when they are up watching T.V. in the next room? idiotic question or thought. and nerf guns are awesome. what kid didn't have one???????
Rainhawk94 27
I'm sure 13 feels stupid
NoNamesFree 8
#29 You made my day with this comment.
JACKxRAWR 22
I got shot in the eye by my ex girlfriend with a nerf gun. She was a crack shot.
Gangsterrface 10
Since when are Nerf guns bad? Are you just jealous your parents never loved you enough to get you one?
Nastorrian 11
I would hate to be your kid or even related. You seem way over protective or super stiff and no fun..
Nastorrian 11
This was hilarious my friend. Golf clap
invalid240 9
At least they're protective of you.
awkwardlysmiles 12
No locks? Even if the door doesn't initially come with one, as intimate parents you should think to invest in proper locks. There will come a day, when they will walk In and brain bleach isn't around.
chutney_02 22
You've raised them right
RoseBlack123 37
Your kids must be really brave and must really love you to be ready to take down the monster. When I was little I think I would've cried
olpally 33
Not exactly a quickie then? ;) hahaha. Your kids are hilarious!
bolaric 5
so did they found the monster
buckdharma 38
well, you're the Mummy, and your husband sounds like Big... um, yeah I'll go with Foot.