Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my husband and I were home alone and we wanted to do the nasty multiple times before our kids got back from school. He lasted less than two minutes, then fell asleep. It's been 6 weeks since my last orgasm. FML
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
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Top comments
foxwasalamb 24
a lock on your door would have cum in handy ;) gotta love kids tho
bromeister 6
Time for birds and bees
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Comments (183)
bromeister 6
Time for birds and bees
foxwasalamb 24
and then show the kid #1s profile pic. "its natural honey, i promise"
Andicc 19
Lol first comment coming from Ron Jeremy=perfect
funzoneplanet 7
That's awesome. Hilarious
vuduguru 5
kinda creepy for that kid to keep watching
CharismaGeek 19
Draw me like one of your french girls. ( your pic)
NatsuD_fml 13
lets just hope it isn't the stork at this point. btw hisoka is epic.
Mrman1998 7
time for therapy
foxwasalamb 24
a lock on your door would have cum in handy ;) gotta love kids tho
That_Loner_Kid 7
Ha you said cum
Pleonasm 36
It's safe to say that OP got shafted.
DemosthenesMB 13
#19 I don't think it was "balls." I mean, if a little kid hears their mother screaming and yelling continuously, they might think they're in trouble and run to help.
TiiBags 15
Haha I thought that was a good pun #22. Shame you got down voted...
IloveToLaugh143 21
Are we looking at the same #22?
MrsDruidess 23
a lock on the door is best, little kids don't ever knock or feel like they shouldn't be right there. They are use to being everywhere that mom & dad are, they don't understand unless you have given specific instructions and training not to go into that one room, even then you are risking exactly what happened.
belljars 22
The poor kid will forever remember that.
Sebby_P1441 10
hope he forgets as he grows up.
CheckMyProfile 17
No, he won't forget. << speaking from experience : (
XxNightwingxX 21
No... No matter how many times I bash my head against the wall, the image is there forever...
SarahSehhati 40
He will also remember to knock next time... lol
PewDiePie_Lover 14
Scarred for life.
paigexox0 37
How old is he?? Hopefully not old enough to remember..**** his life
jesustitts 20
Old enough to walk and know to stay quiet so chances are he's probably going to remember that forever. Poor kid. He'll probably also tell grandma and grandpa. Kids are great tattle tales.
schhichick 14
Reminds me of a modern family episode where Hailey, Luke, and Alex walk in on Claire and Phil.
thatgymnast 11
Loved that episode. And the show in general
smokecloud_ 37
I moderated this one and I think it originally said the kid was two. My memory could be poor, though.
TunaFireStarter 16
It said two. Relatively few people actually remember anything from 2 years old.
EmeraldMoonshine 21
I have a memory from when I was two. My uncle shot a pig for a party. It's hard to believe but yeah. My parents even said it happened. So.. if it was traumatic for him, he'll probably remember.
keirissleepy 10
walked in on my mother and her man friend when I was two and the image is still their so the kid will most likely remember
smokecloud_ 37
I have a few vague memories of age two, but my first clear memory was my third birthday. I had two awesome cakes, and I remember picking my nose in the doorway between my living room and dining room, and my dad catching me in the act. :x
saxybandgeek 14
I remember lots of things from when I was 2 and none of them were traumatic. He's going to remember.
LP13413 8
One of the very few memories I have from when I was two was pulling our old cat's whiskers out. He was the kind of cat, though, that just sat on the couch and let me repeatedly yank them nearly all out.
jesustitts 20
@72 I'm sure the grandparents are 100% sure that there's sex happening in their grown children's bedrooms, but honestly what parent wants to hear about it? I wouldn't want my kids to tell my parents all about what happens in my bedroom if they were to ever walk in on it. I definitely wouldn't wanna hear what my kids do when they're older either.
CookieTush 3
no one cares if you like it
Sunflower1919 19
Well he'll be scarred for life
Death69 24
D'oh!
Ian7890 23
r'ul rumg nop gawef?
Ian7890 23
i decided to speak in his language
GreekYogurt 26
Alright, Homer.
CandyPewPewPew 29
If he's very young, you won't be surprised to see ur son copying your moan/action the next day.
WordAficionada 19
I feel sorry him, memories like that that will haunt him.
prinzess_fml 25
That's what keys are for!!!!! Only years later did I understand why my parents sometimes locked their bedroom door...
Nickb55 16
Looks like you didn't see that coming............ but he did
Fat_McGowan 1
I see what you did there. Very clever indeed.