Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. I was genuinely surprised—and also genuinely hungover from celebrating my birthday alone the night before because they'd all told me they were busy. FML
Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML
Today, I went to a surprise birthday party for a friend. Everyone was hiding and waiting to yell "Surprise!" when I got a call from my mom. I was loudly discussing family gossip and trying to get my mom to hang up when the door opened. Everyone yelled "Surprise!" and then turned to stare at me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML
Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML
Today, my friends, led by my best friend, threw me a surprise party. Bearing a cake, they all happily yelled, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" by suddenly barging in… through the bathroom door. I was on the toilet, in the middle of taking a dump. FML
Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML
Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML
Today, my family and friends threw a surprise birthday party for me, after I'd said multiple times that I didn't want one. I turned and left and now everybody is angry at me and calling me ungrateful and spoiled. FML
Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML
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Top comments
JMichael 26
Maybe you should lay off them big booty hoes.
sexysaltshaker 11
And did they get you a big booty hoe?
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Comments (97)
JMichael 26
Maybe you should lay off them big booty hoes.
JACKxRAWR 22
Never lay off the big booty hoes.
soccerstar1996 18
She got a big booty so I call her by her name because she's a respectable lady
Shrouds 14
Big Booty Abigail is such a sweetheart
perdix 31
#1, laying on them is better ;)
jococo7787 3
Never lay off them big booty hoes. they're the best at their job: being a hooker.
sexysaltshaker 11
And did they get you a big booty hoe?
Enslaved 38
Yes, but that's only because they thought OP was talking about knitted socks and garden tools.
That_Ginger 18
Yep, she came right out of a giant cake.
deviking 10
Why are you getting down voted I found it funny
FalconLeSnail 7
For a friends birthday, I once duct taped a bag of Pirate's Booty to a garden hoe and gave it to him as a present.
Pleonasm 36
You never know, maybe they got one to come out of the cake for you, don't get your hopes up yet.
firefighter925 18
I guess she friends with the monster that's under her sheets
Pleonasm 36
Unfortunately, it seems like you're on the wrong comment section.
Enslaved 38
Is that cake. . . Chocolate?
Soloman212 28
If there's a big booty hoe in the cake, shouldn't OP be getting their hope (as well as other things) up?
OctoDope 15
Indeed #44, I believe #3 meant to say dont get your hopes down yet
calvino15 7
#34 DID SOMEONE SAY CHOCOLLLATE! CHOCOLATE
KVKdragon 26
Did your birthday wish come true? :P
ChenEighty 20
There would be another FML about his parent bringing a prostitute to a surprise party his grandparents were at if he did.
Bulldozer36 21
Umm yeah, that's kinda disturbing you'd yell that at home.
JMichael 26
I'm thinking OP lives alone and thought that he was the only one in his house at the time he yelled that.
Bulldozer36 21
I sure hope so
JadeStonewolf 5
My best friend walks around her house and says it at her mom. xD "amanda I want you to clean the dishes" "Yeah? well I want a big booty hoe, but we don't always get what we want." Her mom laughs at it.
skyttlz 32
When I'm home alone I yell out random things like this
DAL1010 4
I say the same thing with my friends.
dawood_k 27
Was the big booty hoe invited
JohnTheLad 13
As both of your grandmothers faint.
TheBrochure 22
Because they were once big booty hoes as well.
TheBrochure 22
2 Chainz is quite possibly the most intelligent lyricist of the deca-GOSH that is really, Really hard to say!
ksks1234 33
I did not know there was a song called that. I googled the lyrics and I think I have lost a few brain cells.
TheBrochure 22
If you wanna get doped out of your mind from brain cell loss, take the time to watch (and listen to) the music video.
Altoniel 1
2 chainz actually graduated from college with really good grades believe it or not, so he is most likely the smartest raper out there and if his rap career ends up going down the drain he would have a college degree to fall on
jgw_it2 12
rappers usually make lyrics that they know will be catchy. They may be dumb but it sells.
AdamInNi 3
she got a big booty so I call her big booty (8)
israelnotjacob 20
Haha, you sir are a dumbass.
RoseBlack123 37
At least they know what to get you now!