Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. For the first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year-old son came in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
"Look, it's hidden in Mommy's dungeon! Quick, get it!"
thestrangedude 10
At least they didn't call the police first
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Comments (156)
thestrangedude 10
At least they didn't call the police first
Pleonasm 36
"Look, it's hidden in Mommy's dungeon! Quick, get it!"
That_Ginger 18
That mustache in your picture enhances the innuendo in your comment.
ThatOneDrummer 8
... Said Pleonasm before being taken away to prison!
JMichael 26
Did you yell "it's your dad! Get him, quick!"
dilssaaa 6
Don't you think it would be kinda weird to attack your dad while he is naked?
BMTHsuperfan 18
not to mention the fact that hes probably still inside their mom..
JMichael 26
Damn you people have no sense of humor
shaytards_fml 9
your comment was simply not funny :p
SgtAssCheeks 21
your comment was simply not funny *sticks out tongue* wurt.
laden_swallow09 35
Isn't it funny when someone gets downvoted after saying something, s/he ALWAYS gets defensive because absolutely no one in the entire FML community has a sense of humor? It's neeeeever because the one commenter simply wasn't funny. Maybe the problem isn't with the world; maybe it's just you.
xThatOneWeirdGuy 18
@#67 Agreed.
Enslaved 38
To be honest, the thumbs can sometimes go either way. It all depends on who the audience is at the moment. Some just mindlessly join the masses.
MichellinMan 20
Alright, his comment wasn't funny. Stop beating the dead horse.
184886837272837 32
Your kids are awesome
Cadillac4427 8
#4 please tell me you memorized your screenname just in you accidentally log out........:)
Ki11erC 18
If by awesome you mean traumatised then I completely agree.
johobus28 26
At least they're willing to go down fighting
dawood_k 27
Did you have a monster in you
Hiimhaileypotter 53
A one-eyed monster...
WR4 10
A Cyclops?
JohnTheLad 13
Shield your eyes children! The wee monster has migrated from under the bed, to under the covers!!!!
sexysaltshaker 11
Always best to get a lock ;)
countryrose92 23
Always best for a quickie to be a quickie... "15 minutes in" is not a quickie.
CatchMe25 16
I'm sorry that you think that.
raspberryboo 10
haha i get it ;)
thrAsHeRr9081 16
15 minutes is definitely a quickie... I feel sorry for you lol
KVKdragon 26
You should use a white noise app on full volume to block out other loud sounds. Friendly advice ;)
soulebelius 17
"15 minutes in?" I thought this was supposed to be a quickie. Next time bite a pillow.
challan 19
I was thinking exactly the same thing. What's normal, marathon sex?
swick25 22
Glad I am not the only one who was thinking this. Damn 15 minutes into a Quickie....... I envy you my dear!!!!! Also your kids are awesome, hopefully they didn't see anything they weren't supposed to!!!!!
MrDespicable 4
I do not understand the fuzz, 15 minutes sounds like a quickie to me. Assuming climax was nearing. What is the time you assume with a quickie? Like 2 minutes? But I do agree scream into a pillow or something.
drummerp64 16
Which only makes you wonder how long it is normally.
tiarnatargaryen 23
I suppose it depends if it means 15 minutes of actual sex, or 15 minutes including foreplay etc
KorinoTsubasa23 9
Hey, for me 15 minutes *is* a quickie. Haha!
raspberryboo 10
its all in how you view a quicky and i think its sfe to say its different for every one
soulebelius 17
87, foreplay is not included in quickies. Like if you were having sex in an office, you wouldn't be kissing the hand, nuzzling the neck, sucking on nipples and all that jazz or else you would deserve to get caught! Get in and get out..
raytyler26 16
It's okay kids, mommy and daddy are just play fighting on the bed.