Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
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Top comments
sobstory10000 17
It's now time to tear up that relationship with both of them
Morning_fml 22
I'm going to say what everyone's going to say: dump that disloyal bitch and find a new best friend.
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Comments (182)
sobstory10000 17
It's now time to tear up that relationship with both of them
Steve97 32
Well I have to say it's about damn time a cheating bitch got a dose of karma in an FML.
ProfessorMctitie 20
Just think positive OP! she may have cheated but now she wont be ******** right for a while
NotGabe 28
#69 Them craps gonna sting like hell. Dear lord.
cole_tyler42 21
#94, I say slip her some laxatives.
MegaExplosives 17
Tear it as bad as her asshole.
Ichiya 29
I'd say tear her a new asshole but it seems your best friend already did.
laughingtoohard 14
Did you just?
False_Stupidity 42
Now is the time to add chilli and laxatives to her diet >:)
fuckedPriceless 17
I really like the laxatives as a revenge thing...
blasticness400 4
Well they sure can't deny that happened.
YepThatsMeee 23
OP's gf: "It was just anal, it doesn't count as cheating."
BlondePsycho 43
Everyone knows anal isnt really sex!
xninix_fml 36
@114 then why is it called anal sex?
Clawsified 6
Why's it called a ******* if you don't get paid?!
dragonkisses28 25
Why do we park in the driveway, but we drive on a parkway? Why does cargo travel by ship when shipments travel in cars/trucks? Down votes...now!
incoherentrmblr 22
You see what happens Larry? Do you see what happens when you f**k a stranger in the ass? Do you see what happens Larry?...
Morning_fml 22
I'm going to say what everyone's going to say: dump that disloyal bitch and find a new best friend.
TwoXMike 14
I would also add, knock him the f*** out
jmigs17 19
You forgot the quotes around "dump"
hugozac88 22
That's an asshole move right there
RBW_Slave 9
But before dumping her, buy her some Taco Bell!
slipstreak 10
That hole situation really must have been a pain in the ass!
j_cat187 20
Good to know. No need to visit her in the hospital.
photographer49 22
#4 He should visit her, and break up with her
then000bster 16
How could you suggest that? That'd tear her heart up!!
guynamedsky 15
you think what she did to him was any better?
Alittleghosty 3
He said it just for the pun of it.
mfmylifesrsly 30
he was making a pun 36. smh
nmw404 6
Sounds like he was a pain in the a*s. Tell them both goodbye.
Welshite 40
I hope you ripped her a new one. Wait...
A7XCamaro 19
*another new one
DocBastard 40
That's why using lots of lube and going very slowly is so important. Or so I've heard.
JuliaaNoelle 26
Nice save.
Mauskau 36
Being a doctor, it'd be better if you knew that :)
salamancer 11
Your profile picture just makes this comment so much better
j_cat187 20
You don't have to hide it Doc, we all know that you love anal.
doctorhook86 25
#118: Nah, probably reminds him too much of work.
Ichiya 29
He gets anal at work? I want to be a doctor! where do I sign up?
doctorhook86 25
#147: When you're s doctor, dem bitches will do anything for a piece of this. ANYTHING.
woainishamu 21
Get someone to **** your best friend in the ass
LPac5295 27
I know one person who doesn't need to visit them at the hospital. Sorry to hear that happened. At least now you know she's in pain and gets what she's got coming to her.
llamarrama01 21
Sounds like a pain in the ass
arachnophile 13
Your picture makes that comment even more perfect.
llamarrama01 21
Thanks xD
ItsAUnicorn 27
Jensen!