Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
dirton89 7
FYL but hey...you gotta do what you gotta do. She understands hopefully
sleepinginclass 8
You were fine until you said to spray axe.
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Comments (83)
dirton89 7
FYL but hey...you gotta do what you gotta do. She understands hopefully
Ali_Br_fml 33
Even if she understands, don't u have to be in a certain mood to get intimate/enjoy it?(I'm assuming...) I think she'll think about it every time they decide to get intimate, & will have a hard time not thinking about their last time. but at least he didn't evacuate his bowels on her, the bed, or the floor... THAT would have been worse, especially if it was on her!
EvilUndead 9
19, you worry too much. He'll just need to get her into the mood next time. And if she doesn't worry when her boyfriend suddenly gets strong stomach pain, she isn't a very good girlfriend.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
#19 oh for crying out loud. I'm sure she can get over that, it's not a big deal. The guy got sick, that's all. Honestly she'd be really shallow if she cannot erase that from her memory or keep that at a funny story to laugh about together. I would not care and I'm a girl.
amDes 11
My boyfriend has IBS and sometimes will have to get up and go to the washroom for a while. He apologizes every time and I just tell him I want him to feel better. Once he showers we get back to sexy time. Some girls are like me and will understand, so hope it works out for you OP!
license2chill 5
Gotta answer the nature's calling
Ali_Br_fml 33
Yeah, but 28, she may keep thinking about it and have a hard time keeping a straight face, and he'll know she's thinking about what happened last time, and have trouble performing. How'd you feel if a girl just started laughing while you were trying your best to seduce her? She may not be laughing at you exactly, but at the sounds she heard the last time she was around you, and maybe she didn't find it repulsive, but too funny to keep out of her head, and now can't keep a straight face while around you, especially while doing the thing that brought about the last bout of bowel evacuation. It IS funny, but also VERY embarrassing for the person who did it. He may lose the mood, and she may be trying so hard not to laugh, she can't concentrate on what's going on right in front of her. (But then again, I really don't know that much about this, so I'm just assuming here, and yes, I know what happens when people assume.) Maybe I AM over-thinking... I do tend to over-think And I said that at least he didn't go on her, the bed or the floor, because THAT would have been bad. He made it to the restroom, so all is well if they can keep straight faces...
sonuskos 6
Am i the only one who thinks she practically said the same thing in all 4 paragraphs.
Catkam623 27
You read that?
happle 21
My boyfriend has gotten all kinds of sick when I've gone to his house several times, but I'm not so shallow that he disgusts me because of it. I've had a crazy runny nose, diarrhea, and vomiting, but that's what happens to people. When he kisses me, I don't think "Ew, he barfs out this much," or some shit. If you can't accept that people get sick, you need to grow up.
ohcheriecherie 20
I doubt it. Girls don't poop so they're not sympathetic about these things
Ali_Br_fml 33
Omg 48, usually people stop reading after the 1st paragraph... I have to give you props. & I didn't mean to make them into paragraphs... I didn't even think it'd post with spaces.
Ali_Br_fml 33
& I didn't mean my comment as "eww, he just took a dump." I meant "haha I can't stop thinking about the sounds I heard coming out of the bathroom long enough to keep a straight face...and he may get too self conscious...& she'll keep trying to stay serious and be so busy with that that she's unable to get in the right mood"
carry_on 19
That's shit luck OP!
WCARlover 35
I can't believe people still try these -_-
yannabanah 9
Nice try #2
obnum 19
God #2 at least do it right. Shitty****
cynide 13
Blame it on your cat.
Dadothy 8
Oh hey honey, you know those terrible sounds emitting from the bathroom? Yeah that was the cat. Definitely not me.
TheCandyHater 7
Yeah, always blame it on the cat.
MaJiCiDe 5
I blame it on the dog... No one ever suspects the dog...
dohdohdoh 13
Nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition.
NickaPLZ 26
Next time, when someone suggests Taco Bell, you'll shoot them down.
kevsandy303 12
That's Taco Bell for you!
dohdohdoh 13
If ur gf is that immature, ur too young. And remember. Up the bum no babies. If u get there.
fylx100 19
Go away. FML is not the place for you.
TheManager 6
English mothufucka!
EvilUndead 9
Grammar nazi atomic bomber has been dispatched.
spikekutter 9
were you having anal?
jjessen 20
Even if they were, I doubt OP, who is a guy, was receiving it.
ronski 41
You never know
KiddNYC1O 22
Maybe she wanted to "break it in".
onlychildFTW 34
But how would the girl get in the guy? She doesn't have the parts for that. She had an innie not an outie.
KiddNYC1O 22
^ I hope you're STRAPped ON for the explanation I'm about to give you... Eh, never mind.
Vashen 5
That's the problem with being an only child. You miss out on learning a few things growing up.
CheeseHater 23
The first part: FML. The second: If she doesn't like you because you have to take a shit, that's on her. Just clean out the toilet and spray axe (or equivalent) all over the toilet bowl.
sleepinginclass 8
You were fine until you said to spray axe.
CheeseHater 23
Yeah I know that it was an error, but I had to resort to such desperate measures last time a similar story happened to me. I never use Axe, but it's what I get gifted, so instead of throwing it away I put it to good use.
OhhhMaryy 12
You will! My boyfriend farts in front of me all the time, we'll be laying down and he just starts farting, and he can still
onlychildFTW 34
I think that would put me off a little if he's constantly doing it. Seems gross to me really if he does it a lot.
OhhhMaryy 12
Well at the beginning it was kinda nasty, but we've been together for 3 years now so it's pretty normal now, you get used to the good and the bad of a person when you're with them so long.
WCARlover 35
Commence the "that's shitty" 'jokes'
Jordath_Fil 11
Can we not and forget you opened your mouth in the first place? Please?
alexhaz64 4
If she's your girlfriend, there will most likely be another shot. Now if it was a random hookup, I doubt she'd be back. But it's just poop.