Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
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Top comments
007type 26
Shit just got real.
rlr386 8
Even though that sucks for you both, props to you for being a gentleman and letting her go first.
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Comments (184)
007type 26
Shit just got real.
Larawk 8
Better out than in I always say
Catkam623 27
That's some real shit that just happened
HoleyColey 9
I see what you did there
mcBe 6
Oh the irony lmao
bluerhhajfk 17
This is possibly the funniest comment I have ever read on perhaps the best FML I have ever seen.
breakingbad_fml 27
That's why they call it "explosive diarrhea".
LolPieRofl 11
Take Covah! *BOOM*
MrPlopper 9
GET TO THE CHOPPA!!! *BOOM!*
Maverick52 13
Well thank god it isn't called implosive diarrhea >.<
klovemachine 24
Ah yeah :D
breakingbad_fml 27
thats sounds painful.
miura_fml 17
Now that's a shitty situation.
DocBastard 40
Who the **** thumbed this up? Show yourselves, you overused-pun-loving fiends! Then throw yourselves off a cliff. Preferably one with sharp, pointy rocks at the bottom.
miura_fml 17
Wow, are you the person who takes everything on the internet seriously? Hi, pleasure meeting you.
Lioness8197 18
Geez, Doc. Maybe you should prescribe yourself some meds for your hatred towards puns.
poccocurantes 7
10 out of 10 for originality. The crowd goes wild. Statues are erected and streets renamed in your honor. Not!
DocBastard 40
Miura and Lioness - no, I take very little seriously. Puns, however, I take VERY seriously. So when I see a pun get taken out and beaten over and over and over again, it's time to finally bury it. That time was about 2 years ago for "shitty situation", yet someone always drags it back out of its coffin for yet another last hurrah.
EverestMelting 23
Haha DocBastard would love one of the Cyanide and Happiness comics they recently posted about puns.
lilhellian 27
Doc why didn't you slip something in her drink so she never uses it again.. I mean you have access to alot of crap!
wtffml1979 22
I thought it was funny
Lioness8197 18
Doc, you're one of my favorite commenters. I was just joking. Sorry
DocBastard 40
No need to apologise. It's all just fun and games, right? I SAID IT'S ALL JUST FUN AND GAMES!! RIGHT??! Good. :)
beautycrush495 10
I thought it was punny. I guess everyone else missed the humor
MsConfusedd 27
Hey Doc, this fml violates rule 6 in your description!!
Zomg_Okay 27
98 - Nobody missed the humour. We're just sick of getting this particular pun on every other FML.
TheNewGuy03 29
To be fair, this "pun" is on literally every FML involving excrement in some form. So ... I, for one, can understand the disgust.
Twilight_Sparkle_fml 8
The ladies first rule ****** you over.
Dracoboxer357 36
4- Are you kidding? He may have splattered his underwear but he also just became her personal hero. I want to give Op a ******* medal for performing above and beyond the call of duty. :) I also would have bolted to the sink or shower in that situation, but maybe that's just me. ;p
X_Codes 11
Call of duty. HAHA
MrBoredomioo 18
"Also would have bolted to the sink" Bridesmaids anyone?
jdogg0119 4
Why not go outside?
BlowinChronic 18
I'd pay to be the neighbor that watches that happen.
TheKrogan 4
You'd pay to watch someone shit on their lawn? Different strokes for different folks I suppose......
igive 29
Exactly. I thought "your're a man, the outdoors is your toilet" held true.
klovemachine 24
The world is a toilet to a man :D
rlr386 8
Even though that sucks for you both, props to you for being a gentleman and letting her go first.
klovemachine 24
Men's underwear is usually stained anyway. Plus, he could have taken a dump in the bathtub if necessary :O
ncsteven10101010 11
I take it you will not be going back to that restaurant.
BlowinChronic 18
You never know, they may get a nasty case of constipation.
xcarxcrashx 9
56, so they would go back to the same restaurant and hope they get a different stomach ailment then the last time? Not following here...
greatdanen 6
65 - no. if they were constipated, they would wish they could let it all out like OP in his pants. Getting diarrhea would be a cure to get rid of a cannonball stuck in the barrel.
MistaBlista 9
Steal her tampons.
007type 26
Dafaq?
Dracoboxer357 36
8- Why, what'd she do to him? They both suffered from the restaurant equally and he Choose to let her go first. Did I miss something? :p
suicidehacker21 8
Where the **** did tampons come from? Lol
TheNewGuy03 29
Clearly, this person has no idea how human bodies work. I guess women shit from their cooters after all ... who knew?
Random_Red 12
You both exploded? That ought to hurt.
nukeacat 9
Was it mexican?
redhedsaysrawr 18
That or Indian
lilhellian 27
We all know it was Tacobell!
KetRigel99 2
Chipotle. Definitely Chipotle.
PenguinBitch 44
I learned from the movie Brides Maids that it was in fact Brazilian food OP and his girlfriend ate.