Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
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Top comments
DDCA 24
Talk about being butt hurt.
Kuhu1993 21
She'd get it. Even she has parents. :D
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Comments (87)
DDCA 24
Talk about being butt hurt.
Really_SIGH 7
Just imagine how op's dad's boyfriend feels ;)
lambda_fml 40
#31 He must feel the way I did after reading your comment - Lost.
Enslaved 38
Butt the dad just wanted to feel "So fresh and so clean clean"
mattlw 25
Maybe they could start over and wipe the slate clean.
Hobbit79 10
Your username was exactly the reaction i had when i read your comment.
Hobbit79 10
@ #31
Mads_1234 28
What a Charmin family.
waffle3z 6
Your dad is an insensitive ass.
Welshite 40
He's the opposite, really. The proof is right there in the FML.
upallnight11 19
.... But he has a sensitive ass
waffle3z 6
Insensitive to his son's privacy and state of mind, but considerate to his irritable wipe hole. I just don't think buying the "wrong toilet paper" is something to get so angry about, especially in the presence of a guest.
RenosShark 8
Easy to hurt his feelings could say he's a bit of a sensitive asshole
exotica_fml 6
Oops I'd be pretty embarrassed if that happened to me BUT not an FML situation.
Kuhu1993 21
She'd get it. Even she has parents. :D
rosenkrieger223 24
It's just a matter of whether her's are that crazy or not. Not all parents are that far off the deep end.
techweed 12
What if she's an orphan?
Jaxx66 21
Eesh... Can't win 'em all. But I wouldn't worry about it too much, OP. Your new woman might find your family amusing, they were at least not insulting her!
freshko21 6
What a non Charmin situation
JACKxRAWR 22
It's called Cushelle now! Gah, get it right #6.
freshko21 6
Then in that case: Your mom, how cushelle not have bought your dad's toilet paper OP?
1_4M_A_M49 5
Well now you'r girlfriend knows a little bit more about you'r family. Hopefully it won't affect you'r relation.
ItsAUnicorn 27
Bad autocorrect I guess
morella_xx 29
Autocorrect would at least change it to something that's a real word.
iAlissa 34
Maybe they're not a native English speaker.
RedPillSucks 33
Not if you accidentally added a bad typo into the dictionary
DorkAlert 10
Not true. My gf's phone changes don't to dint
KayleeT 9
No one likes scratchy toilet paper.
ryanross 11
don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.
JACKxRAWR 22
#74, I'm slightly worried about your seemingly large and intimate knowledge of "anus coddling". If there's something you want to tell us I promise we won't judge you.
challan 19
OP, if she can't laugh about something like that with you, then is she really that great of a catch? Time to catch and release.
DDCA 24
I love the fishing reference. You are the epitome of a country girl. Which is why you're awesome.
rosenkrieger223 24
The author doesn't specify whether she found it amusing or not. I think the post was more about his embarrassment at his parents having such a TMI argument while she was there for her first visit. For all we know, they could've shared a good laugh at it after the fact.
SMHsohard 22
Well, it's a parent's job to be as embarrassing as possible to their children. It actually sounds like something my husband would say; I feel your pain, OP. In this case, I would say these two are in the running for Employees of the Month.
wilsontws 18
perhaps your dad should br less anal about such stuff. and F your girlfriend's life.