Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
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Top comments
daniel271 13
Break up with her that's not funny and harmful
Sandsh8rk 36
That's a real dick move on her behalf.
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Comments (102)
daniel271 13
Break up with her that's not funny and harmful
vikky538 29
So don't want it to breakup that's why she super glued it.
PurpleMyth 28
Could you repeat that in English?
FMLUser404 4
Translation. "She doesnt want a break up. Thats why she superglued it."
Love_L0ST 13
I found it funny, if my girl friend did that I would just prank her back and laugh about it
Spartan_Spar 15
But you still have to get a girl
LittleLambii 24
Your first reaction to something going badly in a relationship can't be to break up, that's not how healthy relationships work. Communicate. Anyway, if I did that to my boyfriend, he'd find a way to prank me back even worse.
mikepzz 27
People don't superglue your penis to your leg in a healthy relationship. The white ribbon campaign would have a field day if that happened to me.
FacesOfHumanity 14
#74 How would that be funny, just imagine the hours of pain where you can't move it and a single movement could make it hurt. Also imagine what happens when you get a boner. not fun man, not fun.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
LittleLambii, You're clearly too stupid to understand that somebody gluing their partner's genitalia is not a prank or something that should be taken lightly. This is without a doubt break up worthy at the first offense.
Moskaaa7 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why don't you prank her back?
interesting33 37
It isn't a prank it is really harmful and horrible
kafka13 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
maybe it was her who pranked him back?
FML_HelloItsMe 15
OP should stick his girlfriends fingers on her nipples.
militarybrat 21
That isn't a prank. That is physically damaging.
ham_spam 17
Nope he should super glue her ****** shut
NostalgiaFreak9 43
The only prank I can think of is buying a wedding ring box, but instead of a ring, it's a note that says "we're over" and he proceeds to throw her ass to the curb.
Sandsh8rk 36
That's a real dick move on her behalf.
Mpii 11
It's a dick-don't-move.
tibtak_fml 10
From what I understand, the dick doesn't move anymore
Mynamewontfi 40
I know a great prank to get back at her: Breaking up, because those kind of pranks go too far imo.
kfchicken 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
he could always super glue her hoo-ha shut if he wants to go the revenge route
KyoshiroT 32
So that she can't get her hoo-ha's checked at the doctor, got it.
Lalala579121 28
Someone with a Boondocks profile picture not even willing to say the word "******"? That's a new one.
Batkid217 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
well that's such a sticky situation !
WCARlover 35
I hope you don't plan to have kids with her because that's a new level of stupid
JustTheTruth42 13
Yeah that would be ex girlfriend for me. A prank is okay, but that one goes to far.
Mungolikecandy 19
There is something seriously messed up if a person thinks that is a funny thing to do. this pretty much destroys any trust you can have in her if she can commit an assault (and yes it is an assault) on you like this whilst you sleep. Seriously you may want to think about where this relationship should go.
BronzeV 10
Talk about sticking it to the man.
DanH6288 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Superglue her ****** shut
cocainewhore 30
Assaulting someone in response to them assaulting you is not the answer, unless it's self defence. Both the OP's girlfriend's actions and your suggestion are assault.