Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sobstory10000 17
It's now time to tear up that relationship with both of them
Morning_fml 22
I'm going to say what everyone's going to say: dump that disloyal bitch and find a new best friend.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (182)
RayneWolf13 15
Omfg. Leave that bitch.
mrdvs31 3
she is an Ass
gintwinsmoore 20
what's stupid OP is why she'd take you to the hospital with her bc if your ass is hurting you know why it's hurting in most cases...Lol what an idiot she is so fyl
lvg_fml 10
It doesn't say he took her or went with her.
captainsmegma 12
Maybe your girlfriend was going to surprise you with anal sex but knew your big dick might be too much so she decided to pre stretch the old back door with your bestie. Yeah that's it.
doctorhook86 25
#51: A cover story like that might've been the only thing to save her
raikouninja 8
#144 I don't even think a story like that could save Jesus in this situation...
doctorhook86 25
#170: True facts, bro. Still, if it's possible at all, it'd have to involve a ton of flattery and a very naive or insecure OP.
Risea 25
Well time to break up with your girlfriend, and get a new "best friend" if you can even call him that because if he was he would've never done that in the first place.
Labarynth 2
I would make sure my foot went up his ass so both of them could share the experience.
buckdharma 38
Op's girlfriend- Do you think it will fit? Op's friend- Fissure, fissure.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@55, Most people probably don't get this pun. But this is almost definitely maybe the best comment on this post.
martin8337 36
Giggity? Depends on whose perspective it is..
GunSlinger69 19
Okay, cheating on someone is one thing. But having your loved one cheat on you with your BEST FRIEND is the absolute.... Oh my god I don't even know.. Ultimate betrayal..
doctorhook86 25
#57: Also, apparently she was more sexually generous/adventurous/intimate/something with the other guy than with the OP. That compounds the betrayal.
allienc81 9
that sucks