Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
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Top comments
sobstory10000 17
It's now time to tear up that relationship with both of them
Morning_fml 22
I'm going to say what everyone's going to say: dump that disloyal bitch and find a new best friend.
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Comments (182)
ajs1987 15
your girlfriend is an asshole, and your friend sounds like a huge dick
anoniemm 13
I see what you did there...
sousounator 19
Your best friend is an asshole , and break up with that *****
SystemofaBlink41 27
Well, we can say he was IN an asshole...
CaptainPicard 3
Sounds like you need to give your ex-best friend some anal tearing of his own. (previous post auto-corrected some words)
ndnpride88 25
Well isn't that "ANAL". Feel sorry for you op. Leave her and find someone worth keeping. Find a new friend too btw.
19990231 29
Forced pun is forced. Just like the best friends dick.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@52, You saved it all! The whole day. My hero.
missmisery86 11
wow thats ******. sorry dude
brieee 23
At least he ripped her a new one for you...
southerngalslove 15
Sounds like she deserved it.
klenorris 15
karma is a wonderful thing..... :)
SkitchOK 5
Guess he stabbed you both in the back!
gobiteme2 34
I don’t about both of them. But he sure stabbed OP’s hopefully ex somewhat lower
jigglypuff34 16
This whole best friend has sex with boyfriend/girlfriend happens way too often on here. Time to start new with people that care about you.
gobiteme2 34
It sounds like the girlfriend did start anew. Why else would she do anal with a new partner?