Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML
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Top comments
naddification 7
You're a monster. A beautiful monster. Probably why she insisted that she continues.
JohnnyPhoenix31 7
Did she use her tears as lube?
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Comments (295)
naddification 7
You're a monster. A beautiful monster. Probably why she insisted that she continues.
sincerelyjay 13
This isn't twilight.
monkeysareyummy 0
Team Edward!!!!!!!! :D:D Hahaha just kidding! **** Edward.
minisquid 9
Twilight Fans, inbound! Everyone hunker down, they're looking awful pissed!
aaliyah99 0
126- Edward IS ugly.:) Team Jacob!!!!!
monkeysareyummy 0
TheThirdWilliam, nahh I really wouldn't.. I don't like it when they sparkle.. Is it just me.. Or does Bella look like a man?
someguy314159265 15
202- What kind of pudding? Sorry, I just had to do it. I'll go hang myself now.
BatteryAddict 11
Pudding and shit. Jake and Amir, anyone?
thebeautybleeds 17
I just- what? Well, maybe she thought she was bad at it and didn't stop hoping she could do something you like?
klunte 4
Awww, at least you tried
CoachBangWhore 5
You should have asked for a ********. That makes everyone feel better
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
That sounds a bit selfish.
DFlit1 0
No sounds about right to me any guys out there conquer?
tylersign 11
I don't conquer OR concur.
Nafidy 3
I see what you did there. ;D
MrLookAtThere 10
Don't listen to all these people trying to comfort you, you are probably the most horrible person to have ever walked this earth. Shame on you! You deserve nothing more than being slapped in the face with a donkey **** for the rest of eternity..
CoachBangWhore 5
What if there is no donkey **** available? Can he be slapped with horse **** instead?
ClassyCommando 13
Horse? BLASHPHEMY!
MrLookAtThere 10
Are you mad? a horse penis is never an appropriate replacement for a donkey's beautiful penis. be ashamed, be very ashamed, for you have made a grave mistake in judgement today.
lololpics 0
Get a life you troll. Maybe you could start by sucking a "beautiful donkey penis".
MrLookAtThere 10
Gladly
babydiamond_fml 9
Why would u dat something like dat?to somebody u don't know
madskittlesftw 5
Learn "dat" proper grammar.
meant2luv 2
***********
bballforward33 10
Ur a f*ck guy. I bet u have no friends. Ur not funny at all. And i didnt drop the f bomb bc then No body could see it
ClassyCommando 13
In the future you might want to make your comments suck less, 88.
JohnnyPhoenix31 7
Did she use her tears as lube?
misfitmonroe 4
Lmao
Trickiest_K 9
Hahahahha
pabst4america 1
Hahahaha best comment
jogobrochill33 0
tears are the best lubricant...
SenorAmore 1
Handjobs are always better when your girlfriend is crying!
uprising_fml 0
wow. well aren't you a sick bastard. now I have seen all types of asshole in the world. if I saw you on the street, I would punch you in the nuts.
sassypants93 17
There is such a thing as sarcasm...
toalysium 15
Silly kids, don't remember the song, "A lap dance is always better when the stripper is crying." Google it, it's hilarious.
applznoatz 1
Did you have to bully or nag her to get a hand job? If you made her feel bad to get her to do it then you should feel bad.
AvikC818 8
Hahaha