Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML
Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
It's that small?
kimmi41509 10
Well at least you know she gives amazing ******** effortlessly, since it's obvious her mind was elsewhere.
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Comments (143)
SkoomaKi 28
It's that small?
TrueTriage 16
Bet his truck has massive tires. Or he owns a really big gun.
Drigr 9
The ol' using tears as lube routine
GypsyRover 0
Sorry op. I hate to say it,but those are tears of guilt. I bet she cheated or is cheating on you. Why else would she be crying at a time like that?
Pleonasm 36
Maybe she thought that adding salt would make the taste better?
gracehi 33
24, There are SO MANY reasons she could be crying. Why would you jump to that conclusion? What if something really devastating happened to her and OP just dumped her because he assumed she was cheating? That would make him a giant asshole and it would devastate the girl even more.
dougiewhale 6
11 - "That's a nice truck! Sorry about your penis…"
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe the sudden realization that this is what her life has come to is what made her break down in tears.
iMeowzAlot 8
No, we don't want that thumbs up shit here.
iMeowzAlot 8
Damn, wrong person my bad.
DK1234567 8
Some people are into that thing not good people....but still people
justonecomment 2
I cried laughing reading this!
tne201992 12
It's not that funny..
p3mguin 7
He probably had a blank face LOL ---> -_-
drunkandfml 11
Did you cry while sucking your boyfriend's dick?
kimmi41509 10
Well at least you know she gives amazing ******** effortlessly, since it's obvious her mind was elsewhere.
Clioo_fml 17
Imagine what she could do if she actually tried...
gc327072 31
At least OP's girlfriend didn't have a seizure... then he'd be writing an fml about how he no longer had a penis...
RedPillSucks 33
@58 - You and that silver lining of yours...
gc327072 31
What?
goose12321 11
You know, every cloud has a silver lining? Referring to you pointing out the positive in the fml? As in not getting his dick bitten off?
gc327072 31
Thanks 87, that one went over my head.
assffjdhdhsh 2
Haha that was funny right there
assffjdhdhsh 2
58!
hotshot2626 9
if I were a lesser man I would tell open how much that blows... but I think he's already grasped that.
A7XCamaro 19
Another victim of auto-correct.
hotshot2626 9
Yea tried everything to edit the comment.... apparently there isn't an app for that :/
A7XCamaro 19
It's all in the timing, unless you use an Android powered phone, then you're screwed.
hotshot2626 9
yeaaaa about that... *DROID*
agonydrum 7
*SUCKS* you forgot that last part 12 don't worry I got you
gracehi 33
^ It depends on which Android phone you have. That's the thing about Android: you have options. Some are cheap so even poor people can have smart phones, while others are really expensive and awesome and, in terms of quality of the phone itself, better than the iphone. There's only one iphone, with one pricetag, unless you want to buy an older version. Anyway, there are pros and cons to both versions. For example, while I can't edit comments on my Android phone, iphone users tell me they can't thumb up or down long comments, which is something I can do on my Android app.
Codezlol 21
Sure you can thumb down/up long comments on an iPhone. Just gotta slide your finger across the comment and it brings up the vote selection.
NoOneCaresReally 8
I thumbed the long comment down, I'm on an iPod...
hotshot2626 9
Please direct your username as my response to your comment.
gc327072 31
And please direct your attention to my picture for what to do next.
dandelion0_o 5
I love your name haha
boxbrandon11 20
Thumbs up if you went back up to look at the name
iMeowzAlot 8
No we don't want that thumbs up shit here.
Nbrandwine 7
Shut the hell up.
SenselessPattern 12
#72 Oh shit, youtube comments have mutated and made the jump to FML. I'll have a vaccine for it soon, in the meantime don't touch his comment in case it spreads.
lukep135 6
At least you've had enough blow jobs to where you can distinguish that this one was your best
missababgaga 19
Perhaps he hasn't even had one?
saksxalmo 20
No, you need three to choose a best one. Out of two, it would only be the better. /grammar joke
gc327072 31
I still think Starfox is one of the best games ever. Then again, it was the first one I ever played...
mfischer 17
Don't you mean on top of MY ****? Silly fml mods.
zingline89 18
She was crying because the back of her throat was so sore. Yeah, that's it, keep telling yourself that.
gc327072 31
No, she was crying because OP didn't play the ******* song by blink-182
VaultDweller106 7
Dd you ask her what's wrong or did you post this FML first?
zandalee 20
I agree. He sounds like he cares more about his blue balls than his girlfriend... Shallow much?
simplylost643 0
#26- Don't try that holier than thou on this one. If the situation was reversed you'd be frustrated to. It's like if your car got stuck at the top of a roller coaster, not a single person is immediatly thinking "Gosh, I feel bad for the mechanic who's gonna have to climb up here to fix this.". Someone being disappointed that something they were enjoying went to shit, does not make them shallow.
ajnorma 16
I totally didn't read 26's comment as swallow much...
murphdarkly 13
Lol too awesome
RedPillSucks 33
Sorry #29, but if I were in that situation I would have thought to ask. Because being the selfish person that I am, I think "damn, if the BJ was this good and she was upset, I can get an even better BJ if I cheer her up". Because, in the end, it's all about me and where I can get my next BJ.
Bibliovore 26
#29, if I didn't know the mechanic then no, it might not occur to me. However, if I were dating the mechanic, I'd absolutely be concerned about what my they were going through.
rainbowbigbird 7
29 - One does not simply compare a rollercoaster car getting stuck to a significant other dealing with emotional trauma. It's a lot different and would put their emotional needs on the forefront when something like this happens. It is quite possible she may have had some traumatic sexual experiences from the past and memories were triggered for her. That's something that should be dealt with seriously and with importance. I agree that it is shallow to NOT ask and be disappointed that you were not able to get off.
chisty87 16
Lol I didn't either
iwadasn 33
29, there's a big difference between a roller coaster breaking down and an actual human being "breaking down." It's pretty callous to even compare the two.
junkman6 22
I couldn't post for about 5 minutes I was laughing so hard. But look on the bright side, you can now always one up friends for the most akward sex story ever.
AussieChild 22
Right. So you'd share your girlfriend's private and obviously traumatic experience with your friends, just to get a few laughs? You must be single.
absolutegrrr 7
Am I the only one who didn't actually find this FML all that amusing?
junkman6 22
1) she would be my ex by the time my friends found out. 2) I would feel the need to warn people away from psycho girl.
niplipsip 9
wow, 100... you're an asshole.
AussieChild 22
junkman- what the hell is wrong with you?? Seriously?? Are you that self centered and immature, that you think a relationship is centered around the physical side of things?? Don't you have a heart at all????
rebelliousshroom 12
#100, I am severely repulsed by you.
junkman6 22
I'm an asshole because I would dump a chick for being a total psycho.... How is that even physical? No wonder mental illness is on such an upswing people are breeding with the whackos.
chellyX92 8
Wow I hope you never breed 100.
AussieChild 22
How does crying make someone a "total paycho"??!! You are going to be a very lonely, pathetic man, who probably wouldn't ever get a girlfriend to dump in the first place!
junkman6 22
You're right the nervous breakdown during head definitely makes her girlfriend material! What was I thinking saying she was crazy! And to be honest if my choices were breed with miss nervous breakdown on a dick or use my hand. Bring on the lotion. Seems a lil personal to you though Aussie.
wildsweetchild 19
wow 116 you're such an asshole, it amazes me...you never know what she went through to have a break down..I don't want to wish you to go through it yourself to understand it...but just so you know.. sometimes life works exactly that way.. it lets you walk the walk of people you laughed at. Good luck!
Ninjagirl2211 5
Lol, you think THAT'S crazy? Dude, you've never seen crazy...