Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Not now, dude
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML
Milking it
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Miscommunication
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Hidden
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML
Top comments
naddification 7
You're a monster. A beautiful monster. Probably why she insisted that she continues.
JohnnyPhoenix31 7
Did she use her tears as lube?
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Comments (295)
shellz102 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How exactly does that make you feel like a monster? It's her choice to stop....
AnonymousTroll 2
Well if your load lands in her eyes, she'd have a different thing to cry about.
MrLookAtThere 10
It's totally his fault, obviously his privates weren't appealing enough.. that's what bows and strings are for, make it look like a gift. No one cries when they get gifts, unless it's some slimy droopy penis... .. I'm sorry OP, not even bows and strings would've helped you here
ClassyCommando 13
It's tradition. First handie of the New Year, the girl has to be bawling her eyes out or you'll both have bad luck for the rest of 2012.
eyeIoveyou 4
you should have pushed her off of you if he didn't listen. wouldn't you grow limp in her grasp with all of the crying and sniffling? that isn't really a turn on, unless you're into kinky stuff. lol.
eyeIoveyou 4
*she
changesinme 0
Dear god, you raped her hand!
RaggleFrock 13
Actually he got raped by the hand as he told her to stop :/
spaerro 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Actually, he didn't get raped by anything since men are not considered rape victims in any way by law.
Tyger44 1
Sperro-you are wrong.
zack11742 7
130 not true at all
doubleea 3
You're silly. Of course they can be considered rape victims. They can get raped.
BeastManzero 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
130 is kinda true because the definition of rape is a man forcing a women to perform unwanted sexual activities. -dictionary.
jmelsha11 11
Asshole
NikkiFlysKites 8
Actually, 148, I remember looking at the definition of "rape" quite a few years back, and what 142 said was the exact definition I'd read. Just because it's different in another dictionary or has been changed since doesn't mean it wasn't, at some point, true.
Rikki27 5
So, if a Male gets Molested by another man by force... It's not rape? Doesn't make sense to me... The dictionary definition may just be a general statement but let's be serious
xxJonaKillsxx 8
It's all double standards. Apparently being a guy means you want sex all the time, no matter who it's from.
Dracoboxer357 36
130, I'm going to Try assuming you Thought that the Word of the Law, once long ago, may have said Something similar to that, because it Almost sounded like you don't think a man having sexual contact Forced on him by any gender, is rape. I mean, you don't Really think that, right? :(
NotDave 0
Well, everyone, 142 and Spaerro have gone ahead and agreed to show us the definition of "dumbass" rather than that of "rape". rape is a forced sexual act. That's it.
aaliyah99 0
Tyger44- YOU my friend, are wrong.
dylanaxsom 1
I gave your comment a thumbs up since every damn person on here thumbs down everything. THIS ISN'T A THERAPY WEBSITE PEOPLE.
Keyman1212 14
I'm laughing at the girls on here trying to defend rape as something that only happens to them. "No!! You can't have our tragic, life-changing event! We want to be the only people who can be raped!!" Y'all ever heard of getting raped in prison? Federal Pen isn't coed ladies. Dropping the soap refers to two men. Sorry to burst your stupid, naive, misinformed bubble.
iomnomnomux3 0
guys can get raped too. not all girls think alike, shit.
gamercanadian 11
#17 best comment ever LOL
MrScholl 4
130- there was a story I read about in India a couple weeks ago, 3-4 women ambushed a waiter and raped him (forced themselves onto him). When he was finally found, his penis was so messed up, it wouldn't do him any good. If a woman can overtake a man, there's little to nothing that can stop us from getting a hard on.
ohSNAPyall 27
Legal and dictionary definitions aren't identical. Law is interpreted different ways in different places. It's a fact that anyone could be victimized by rape. Men can be raped by women and men, and the same is true for women victims.
bubbywaldo 0
I hope everyone who thinks only women can be raped is now educated. you think those boys weren't raped by those catholic priests?Let's look out for everybody's human rights.
Ensanity 5
So you REMEMBER from a few years back? Stop siding with someone and go read the actual definition, asshole.
Alymc13 0
Let me guess. U looked up that definition online? If so u both are morons and 148 is right. But just to clear this up... I work in a rape rehabilitation center for victims counseling them and although it IS rare. There are documented cases of men being raped. And yes, even by women.
DFlit1 0
Ya men can get raped anyone hear of the salon owner beating up the guy that tried to rob her store then kept in in the back room tied up for days and forced him to do sexual things... If that isn't rape I don't know what is and a woman did it to him lol and yes in court it was considered rape
l4d98 2
Well apparently it's WRONG! You should try looking at the real answers. Men can get raped too. You really don't know your words.
humorizer 14
@204: Heard of the story, but it was fake. Just the part that he was tied back there for weeks and only fed Viagra as food should have been a red flag that the story was concocted (like many of the FMLs we read here :P).
Scoutly91 0
Are you dumb?? Yes they are!
Skyanne 11
You're an idiot. Rape is rape, regardless of the victim of the offender's gender.
Ckrius 7
In response to all the fighting according to the rape prevention program rape in 2011 is defined as, "Unwanted or forced penetration or sodomization of any kind." As in either gender. As quoted from the brochures they hand out.
eviannastorm 4
Haha I totally read that on epicfail.com
Maxcold 2
Here's an idea. Shut your mouth.
alexgabriel 0
Your hot
alexgabriel 0
Whats ur #
alexgabriel 0
Hi eyeloveyou
l4d98 2
Men can get raped genius...
l4d98 2
Even I know that's not true... I'm only 13
OreoKami 0
Then it would be molestation dumb ass.
CYRAN0 1
Yes he is. Especially in Missouri
CYRAN0 1
In a state in the midwest there are laws and policies. then there are state employees that can believe anything they want. and that is HE is ALWAYS the anal sphincter and SHE is ALWAYS the angelic vic
Mikex125 7
Fail
nathan95_fml 3
False, unwanted entry into a bodily orifice
xxDefiantxx 0
142, the definition kf.rape is to force ANYONE to preform sexual acts against there will
mariah_1_11 22
When I went to college we had to go through this whole rape crap. Apparently rape is "penetration" so that means basically guys can really only be raped by other men. We had a long discussion on why it's practically impossible for a woman to rape a man. I think that's what a lot of the confusion comes from. Both men and women can be rape victims, but only men are rapists. Ops girlfriend molested him. Okay lesson over, carry on.
axeno 7
There's a term out there called "made to penetrate" and cases like that happen alot more often than it seems women can be rapists too. Over half of the men questioned refused to talk about it but did admit that they were "made to penetrate".
Mobetta_2300 22
**** you #130
BrittMcKayla 8
lol
mom0_fml 0
s and m!
BatteryAddict 11
You forgot "p".
death_dolphin24 0
What the hell is S&M&P? How many weird fetishes are around these days?
nesha1198 0
I don't know, ask Rule 34...
fymother 13
Yeah doesn't that suck when you accidentally rape someone?
Hozu 3
S, M, and P? Umm... maybe it stands for Suck My Penis?
Alexunited1212 2
Soaring Mammoth Penis
zachherbert 10
Shiny Metal Privates?
ddssuperstar 0
Pudding must smell C-c-c-combo breaker :D
Randuhh_17 4
Steroid Mini Penis That's where I fixed your combo breaker
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
guys, Stop Making Phrases!
VorpikeII 17
Some Moronic People?
pinecone1414 6
Sterile Man Parts
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Do I need to repeat myself? Stay Muzzled, People!
BatteryAddict 11
Oh no! I've started a chain reaction! They said it would happen but I didn't listen.. :S
cookiemonster97 0
Sadism,Masochism and idk what P is O.o
BatteryAddict 11
Pesto.
haleyaubrey1 0
A lot there
willou35_fml 13
haha
NeDaroft 5
Beauty & The Beast (you)
DynamicDave 11
Tears make the best lube.
xiaoxaio 5
that awkard moment when ur gf starts crying while giving u a handjob?
supertacowaffle 41
Not everything is awkward -.-
kittycliche 6
Aw poor dear...
Kazakuya 3
Doesn't matter, got handjob.
jizzwold 21
It sounds like she raped herself with your dick
bobbycorwen 5
He could of told her to stop crying, but not to stop doing the deed. It wasn't specified.
Zeppelin1969 5
I am tired of the FMLs where someone gets lucky. If you are having sex then your life is better than mine so stop complaining.
bobbycorwen 5
122 - It is have, not of.
simonisnotacat 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Look her in the eye and make her finish whether she wants to or not
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Or start crying yourself and turn the tables. Then she may feel obligated to turn that handy j into a blowing type job of some sorts.
JustinComments 3
Or how about no.
uprising_fml 0
6, you're a dick. that is all.
csmith10100 4
ur an ass if u would do something like that
DeadPixel4 29
Jackass
thegreat8 1
It seems like a bittersweet situation....
silentbutfunny 0
Cant wait to hear what she does during a *******...
ClassyCommando 13
Chokes and ends up in an ambulance. Feel like a monster now, OP?
BatteryAddict 11
Well. . Did it feel good?
BatteryAddict 11
This comment was stupid, and for that I apologize.
MrLookAtThere 10
Eggs Benedict
BatteryAddict 11
39 - . . . wh- what?
takeapieandrun 9
39 - Just stop. If the 30 downvotes on your other comment are any indication, no one thinks your comments are funny...
ClassyCommando 13
It was an uber troll, calm your ****.
ClassyCommando 13
Too small? WTF I would have lost my hard-on if that was me!
ninjacapo 2
I agree lmao it woulda gone from sex mode to careing mode
ohSNAPyall 27
*crying girlfriend* I just wanted to make you happy! Why don't you think I'm sexy??
neemis_fml 0
Don't feel like that! It was her choice! C: