Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
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Top comments
zarrganaut 17
Just tell her to be more careful. Laying off with the teeth isn't gonna hurt her feelings. Or at least it shouldn't.
justcommenting19 19
Why didn't you tell her how to do it right? If it's her first ******* too how is she supposed to know how to do it right?
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Comments (127)
zarrganaut 17
Just tell her to be more careful. Laying off with the teeth isn't gonna hurt her feelings. Or at least it shouldn't.
Luluthus 41
Agreed. If you don't tell her what you like and don't like, she won't know to change anything.
tibtak_fml 10
I guess it's just hard to do if you feel your GF does not have much self confidence. but definitely the right thing to do.
Nessco 36
Talk to her about it. It will be for the best for both of you. If she's done it before to other guys who said it was good (and probably lied about it), just let her know that everyone is different and this is the way you like it.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
In general the best thing to do is to give positive reinforcement whenever she does something you actually like. A few "That feels really good" type comments will quickly help her pick up on what feels good to you.
FalconWhitaker 20
Agreed. Communication! If you can stick your genitals in her mouth, you can tell her what does and doesn't feel good for you.
justcommenting19 19
Why didn't you tell her how to do it right? If it's her first ******* too how is she supposed to know how to do it right?
Baguette666 12
If the "first" one was great I would've questioned myself ^^
fakedsincerity 32
Exactly. That goes for any sexual act, ask for what you want. It doesn't have to be harsh be like "that feels good BUT this feels even better" and your partner will understand your body without feeling bad about it. Communicate! (:
NickACD 27
I think if she had blown a million guys she would have a long list of STDs with checks in the boxes next to most.
okokalright 15
I hate when people lie to spare their partners feelings. Relationships are about communication. You're just depriving yourself of a good time if you don't tell her
shiba10 26
Yeah I agree and it's a push towards the right direction. It's better if she knows earlier rather then later so she doesn't get a bad habit.
GregFML 21
your profile picture goes perfect with what you said
LeashaJoy5595 28
It was actually OP's first bj, not hers. Let's cut him some slack, maybe he didn't know how to correct her. That can be an awkward thing for someone new to anything sexual
MsConfusedd 27
Or you could have told her to change what she was doing and she would probably have happily complied? If she's willing to blow you, she's willing to listen to you and adjust to make you happy. That's how a relationship works
Skycop_S 23
What did I just read.. ?
dyoy_87 21
An FML
UH60 26
Guy gets teethy ******** from girlfriend. Pretends to finish himself off in bathroom to spare her feelings.
traveveland 16
ey I'm from ontario too. my first bj was like that too. but I told her to lay off the teeth. except I hurt her feelings cause I said " are you a beaver?" she said no so I said so stop skinning my ******* wood there's deffs better ways of saying it
MsConfusedd 27
That was the weirdest comment I've read for quite some time. #6 please sit down and chill
ThrottleJockey 36
English please!
CogadhTallon 16
Netflix and chill :)
live2loveurself 11
Jeez don't be so rude, be gentle
Mylehz 13
With that attitude then you probably deserved some teeth on your dick.
Mathalamus 25
everyone has their first time sometime. maybe she will improve in the future, if you tell her.
dyoy_87 21
Well, that's a first a man not wanting to finish getting a *******
katelng09 16
I think if it's hurting him, he wouldn't want to finish.
squizzlebee 19
Or maybe instead you could have let her know? She's never going to improve if she doesn't know she's not doing it properly, you're just making it worse for you in the long run.
heyLaddieHey 18
At a time that is not set time, please explain gently what really happened!
dvp_fml 8
If you can't tell her what you like and don't like it is your own damn fault.