Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, I’m at my hometown for the weekend and bought my entire family takeaway for lunch without knowing my mom had cooked. Later, after finding out, I promised to eat it for dinner. Guess who is having food poisoning but can’t shit. The cramps are killing me. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML
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Top comments
SuperDerp 8
What a cool and original pun about food poisoning.... This has not been said on other food poisoning FMLs or anything....
mazzera_fml 7
Something fishy is going on.
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Comments (171)
randomthing 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a shitty situation :p
SuperDerp 8
What a cool and original pun about food poisoning.... This has not been said on other food poisoning FMLs or anything....
starwind3438 9
Someone needs to Falcon punched.
derkster 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That line is overused thumbs down thank you
THE_A_TEEN 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a hilarious and original comment. Your humour amazes me, it's clearly 1000x better than Dane Cook. *Not the sarcasm foaming from my mouth.
Futacy 30
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That akward moment when you knock on your neighbor's door whilst holding your stomach and ask, "Can I use your bathroom!?"
ManInTheMachine 20
That awkward moment when you can't spell awkward.
tehcyberman 9
That awkward moment when SOMEONE is being a grammar nazi.
ManInTheMachine 20
73-I have my moments, but they're few and far between.
onlychildFTW 34
If you don't know how to prepare fish properly having sushi is a bad idea. And 1 bathroom for 5 people??? Damn.
AnagenisisZagus 13
35- It IS a 1000 times better than Dane Cook.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm just waiting for a certain mod to jump in on the Dane Cook thing.
Futacy 30
#70, Ever heard of a typo?
lsd_25 8
the only thing thats dumber than this guy trying to make his own sushi is your comment
PinkieKeen 20
That awkward moment when you mix up Grammar Nazi with Spelling Nazi.
bethwoodfin 0
And that is why God made Asians.
Lindahhxd 7
Should've left the sushi for the Asians.
patrickalamo 48
5 gallon buckets for everyone.
Mario_lib 6
I freaking hate sushi
mazzera_fml 7
Something fishy is going on.
curlygirly1 8
Punny -_-
xcarxcrashx 9
Yeah nothing good comes from, "homemade sushi" shudder...
Sybarite_fml 5
Use the washer. We all had to do that once
citymayer 7
Umm wtf??
labudamike 6
Guess they could use diapers
crapmaster3000 19
Go hang out at gas stations they don't mind as long as you buy a candy bar every hour or so
golferman72 16
Everybody must feel pretty shitty.
THE_A_TEEN 28
BOO! You stink!
golferman72 16
NO!! YOU STINK!!
baconftw 9
Saying people's overused puns suck is so mainstream. I prefer to just ignore it, I'm sure by now that everybody knows that it makes people shit their pants over anger on something so small.
AwsumShyGuy 12
In my opinion, most puns are terrible, but in a humorous way.
mduffy08 8
Eh mainstream. I just do whatever the **** I want. Regardless if it's mainstream.
spazz666 18
You do what you want regardless of whether it's mainstream or not? What a hipster.
MissAmz 7
Poor things.. :( Hopefully you'll be more mindful of food preparation in that future. *hugs*
MissAmz 7
The* Sorry. :(
jackassiddy 8
*accepts hug* * cops feel*
golferman72 16
Do you have an accent?
ManInTheMachine 20
68-There is a PM system on the site for questions like this.
rahrah765765 11
Everyone has an accent... Heh I bet even sign language has a slight "accent". Let's see... Italian mute: flamboyant signs Chinese mute: extreme ninja like signs New Zealand kiwi: most probably resembles the Hakka.
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
I am deaf and **** you... nah jk about **** you, I can take a joke
brittanyxo17 0
Time to hit mcdicks
MissMae93 23
Yes, because eating deep fried garbage is the best thing to do when you have food poisoning... -_-
silent_bride 5
31 - I'm pretty sure #7 meant that they should use the McDonald's bathroom. :/
brittanyxo17 0
Obviously for the bathrooms..
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'd rather go to Jack in the Crack.
jerry2011 4
Don't you all wish you were just bears? No need to worry about having only one bathroom.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Of course they do. Who doesn't?!
waco60 3
They probably wouldn't be making sushi if they were bears....
Judahsh 8
Bears catch fish, then make sushi. I saw it on the nature channel
melrose90210 10
I guess that's the last time you DIY.
mal2012 4
What #9?? 0_o
TPH1979 18
DIY--"Do it yourself"
sarahshanghai 9
God, we better hope so!
Screamokid94 0
I would lock myself in the bathroom and screw everybody else. lol
uberdubers 3
Bad choice of words, bro
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Thank you for putting the image of diarrhea, screwing and bathrooms in my head. TT-TT
perdix 31
You've got buckets, don't you? It would be good if you had some neighbors you don't like on whose lawn to dump said buckets.
jackassiddy 8
Like a good neighbor State Farm is *throws bucket*
tehcyberman 9
Good neighbors don't exist anymore. Just remember the recent lawn on fire FML. They are all out to get you!
spacemanspiff78 7
Looks like someone's gonna have to use the sink or a garbage can