Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
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Top comments
TheBrickWithouse 10
i have one word for you: buckets. Seriously though, FYL.
prelim_champ 10
The visual image of a "diarrhea fountain" is quite vomit-inducing...
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Comments (176)
ambeeelove 0
good thing or showers huh.
supermankisses 1
A. They're not covered in shit. B. There's still just one bathroom.
ambeeelove 0
no shit! idiot go shit in the shower duh
eeppiicc 8
ever thought of digging a hole in the backyard that's what my grandparents did when the outhouse was occupied...
Blazingcrono 6
Clog up the shower too?
ambeeelove 0
no shit. idiot. I meant shit in the shower
JiggaJayZ 16
6- Thanks for itemizing your points. I might not have understood them had you not.
YourEvilHero 12
must have been some shitty food
dolphincheddar 10
1. the correct term is "shidiot"
Yodaevil 4
#14 I think the point is they are not rednecks like you and wouldnt want to shit in the tub as another member of the family ***** in the toilet...
Tommananaze6T9 4
just go drop a couple bombs at da neighbors house
DinosaursAreCool_fml 8
Who just takes a shit in the shower? That's nasty, I'd just wait for the toilet to be unoccupied instead of cleaning my own smelly shit from the shower, you can't wash all that down the drain you know.
xxwafflez 0
ambee is a retard. there is only 1 bathroom. if OP is in that bathroom, then there is a toilet right there! why shit in tue shower when there would be a toilet in the room. -_-
Jess1008 4
37-duh ur stupid. she's saying you can go in the shower too when the toilet is takin...if there all crappin you gotta do what you gotta do..
SolarGirl32 6
There's always the double decker...
MyPupRox 2
u r all stupid, the point that 14 wasnt understanding is that its disgusting to shit in the shower while someone else is on the toilet cuz ur in the same room and only a few feet away watching each other shit
itsgen 16
14- you are such a moron I feel like saying this one blond joke but it wouldn't be fair to the actual smart blonds ******** in the shower ugh that's groosssss!
KiddNYC1O 22
37 may be stupid but Katy Perry is damn hot.
soccer4life20 9
LOL!!!!
wolflover44 5
60: 14 is the reason they make hair dye. So people won't have to be put in the same stupid group... I'm sad to share her hair color... Might go make an appointment to fix that. Oops, I'm being mean. Oh well...
djlolo1129 0
if theres one bathroom there's one shower
ambeeelove 0
thank you Jess!
ambeeelove 0
**** u
whatever222 3
#20- that's a good point
TheBrickWithouse 10
i have one word for you: buckets. Seriously though, FYL.
NastyNinja31 0
dang this is a shitty situ- o wait never mind
shitusernames 0
but if they got buckets they couldn't have their family poop together
RobynL 0
I have a better idea. 1 family 1 cup.
lol32360 0
haha I was going to say buckets (:
peacelovepugs 7
ewwwwwwww
fightingkittens 39
I have a better idea: watch the food poisoning scene from Bridesmaids. We have two women barfing in a toilet, one having diarrhea in the sink, and another taking a shit in the street. This is a little harder because everyone is a "collective diarrhea fountain" and therefore you can't have two people using the toilet at once, but you can take 1's advice and use a couple buckets. I have faith in you, OP.
moonlightglory 5
HA! me too.
fightingkittens 39
I have a better idea: watch the food poisoning scene from Bridesmaids. There are two women barfing in a toilet, another crapping in a sink, and a fourth ******** in the street. Seeing as you can't have two people sitting on the toilet at the same time, you'd need to improvise a bit, but you should watch that for inspiration.
PutItIn 8
One word: fertilizer
OceanProtection 0
that's 3 words, and two dots -_-
cholbrook748 1
Sounds like a shitty situation.
silversti 0
sounds like an explosive situation
ProudTexan117 0
damn that's pretty shitty
ZAE06 0
what did u eat???
Stonedmanalex 0
shrooms
yomommma 6
shrooms
tylersign 11
Shrooms
LOLbomb 1
There's a big difference between shrooms and shroooms. A big, BIG difference! >:(
BOOSCAREDU 0
Nah, all you guys are wrong they didn't eat shrooms. They ate taco bell! silly people
KiddNYC1O 22
Shit.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Taco bowel.
ollierobs 0
Small children.
dolphincheddar 10
obese orphans
Cryingraven 1
Burger King.
EffTrae 0
Dang. if it's that bad you have neighbors on both sides of you. that's a minimum of three toilets to use.
KiddNYC1O 22
Shit, B.J Upton on FML. What's up?
theten_fml 9
I wouldn't let my neighbor sit on my toilet! if any one is going to stank up the bathroom it's gonna be me!
ChuckNorrisBeard 0
here come the shit puns again... :(
ShawnzieNstuff 6
I'm surprised nobody has said the "shitty situation" joke. I bet everyone was just waiting to thumb it down. haha
Tommananaze6T9 4
that sounds like a messy situation :D
smexehXredhead0 0
That really sucks. I'm sorry...
Godfther 3
you have the best profile pic -EVER-
KoolKids87 2
Backyard. Shovel. Hose.(:
iTransform 8
Makes sense, I mean it is biodegradable...
monsterbeats_fml 9
Couldn't have said it better myself [:
KoolKids87 2
Well it makes sense-.-
koekj 6
Something the whole family can do... Hmm...