Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML
Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML
Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
Today, I was stuck in a stiflingly hot port-a-potty for 30 minutes with the worst bowel issues ever due to food poisoning. To make things worse, the maintenance guy came two minutes in to drain the thing and had to wait outside till I was done, muttering angrily at me as I took the humiliating walk of shame to my car. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
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Top comments
RoxyRaccoon 4
I love the way this was worded. :}D
XxKeLs3yxX 0
that sucks
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Comments (133)
laurazaro00191 0
first!
adriana012 0
LOL. FYL dudeee.
Biohazard41 0
not till a mod comes. OP that sucks for you
c0nfuzzled 0
FYL, i've had worse though
ReyEr9412 0
FOURTH!!!!!! **** yeah!!!!! And yes your life does temporarily suck OP.
woofis 0
great porcylan whirlpool is a win
VanessaVander 2
o tha
beccaishereyay 11
you couldn't have just said toilet?
TempestJones 0
@beccais.... STFU... The way this FML is worded is what makes this FML awesome!!! OP: FYL for the bad seafood, but major points for being too cool for school! ;)
Oreogasm 5
my fav analogy of taking a dump is "taking the browns to the superbowl".
SeasonedSausage 0
My favorite is, taking a shit.
bleedinginside 0
wow Rey failed
Felendris 0
you have just won the game of FML :D
lady_lindsey 0
I think if you had it in the refridgerator then ydi for sure but if it was in the freezer and had no expiration date on it then it's not your fault. you also can't always tell when food goes bad because sometimes it could have gotten a bacteria in it or something else. If it wasn't blatantly obvious that it was rotten or it was in the freezer then fyl.
sam411411 0
oreogasm wins twice, analogy and name :D
beccaishereyay 11
tempestjones... you probably like Justin bieber too huh?
WordsOfHope 0
nice fail 18
ImDaBoss 0
haha I agree. Major win for the "Great Porcelain Whirlpool". :D
NOTYOUTOO 0
^^^ this for the win.
lady_lindsey 0
I say praying to the porcelain god :)
DavidCooksAngel 0
my favorite is: I have to dump the children off at the pound.
missvee98324 0
hah i love oreos name
13__Loki__13 1
I like Logging Out
penflower 0
no it was just a good analogy that your poor mind failed to grasp.
metalhead256 0
#18 STFU honestly nobody cares your fourth god now i hate you
rockerstar 0
win
sleekRelease 0
@56 it's "a bacterium", not "a bacteria".
TempestJones 0
@beccais.... What? How are the two topics related in the least? Epic fail due to stupidity on your part.... LMAO....
MXavierT 0
I like to say giving the Jon a fresh coat of paint.
beccaishereyay 11
ahaha #108 I'm sorry. Forgive me?
lady_lindsey 0
a bacterium would be a single one. bacteria would be more of a colony or multiple baceriums.
applesmoothiee 2
latin derivations for the...lose
giggles518 0
what's op mean??
TempestJones 0
@beccais Only cause your pic is cool ;)
skyttlz 32
I laughed at "Great Porcelain Whirlpool"
XxKeLs3yxX 0
that sucks
AndreaHaha 0
fyl that sucks man
chemqueen20 0
I'm just gettin over a stomach flu while being 10 wks pregnant, totally sucks ass so I feel your pain.
ang93 0
wouldn't you notice it going bad? YDI
AJG390 0
Yea I agree. You couldn't tell that it was bad? YDI.
aardvarkish 17
@ 5 Depends on how strong it smelled in its native state, i guess....
YourEvilHero 12
ohemgee 34th!!! but you should be more careful with seafood
ImaginaryFoe 1
I agree. Seafood doesn't go a little bad. It goes Somali pirate bad. It had to have smelled terribly and looked worse. Even if it wasn't evident at first look, it should've been apparent at first bite. Why would you keep eating? YDI but FYL for praying to the porcelain god all night.
aeliz 0
Yeahhh. When my roommates left seafood in the fridge wayyy too long, the whole house smelled. The OP should have known!
yessirfosho 0
actually seafood can get bacteria and still smell and taste fine. It really isnt that difficult to figure out. Please think before you post next time. OP FYL that really blows.
aeliz 0
No, it was BAD. They just didn't have time to take care of it, and wanted to piss everyone off. I mean once the whole 2 story house stinks when the seafood is in the fridge... It's pretty clear that something is wrong, lol.
ohSNAPyall 27
@aeliz -- Why didn't you throw it away if it smelled so badly?
ashlynn610 12
120th!!! lmaooo (:
aeliz 0
@86 The dynamics of being roommates with assholes get complicated after a while.
luda111b 0
6th yes
afatmonkey 0
Speaking of sixth, my uncle was the sixth person to die from drowning on mouthwash this year. A horrible fate, but a hygenic one nonetheless.
exoticfuck 0
tehehe im like one of the first to comment for the first time XD. ydi for liking seafood
topbanana 0
hahah I like your name exoticfuck haha and you really should have known op. ydi
ipwnallmen 10
oo i feel for ya, OP. on a lighter note, uh.. what happened to my profile pic? :'(. feel better soon, OP
topherweaver 0
fyl hahaha
RoxyRaccoon 4
I love the way this was worded. :}D
Monikabug 9
At least it is getting out of your system now, shouldn't take much longer. But seriously, you should have checked it before you went and shoved it in your mouth. You pretty much did this to yourself, sir. So, I have to say that YDI. Hope you learned your lesson! ツ
lilubird 0
thatguy1234513 0
OH MY GOD.... I LOST THE GAME!!!