Pantie thief

Today, I got home to find a pair of my dirty underwear (that were in the dirty clothes basket) in the middle of the living room. I must be delicious, because my dog was licking them. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

Skidmarks

Today, while doing my boyfriend's laundry, I noticed that every single pair of his boxers had a poop smear in them. He's almost 30. FML

Today, I had my boss and his family over for dinner. Our kids played while waiting for dinner to be ready. Just as we were sitting to eat, our 8-year-olds ran out and my son says "Look at Baxter! I found underwear with a tail hole!" They had found my crotchless panties and put them on the dog. FML

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML