Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I was going for a relaxing walk but my dog broke free from his leash. At the same time, my 80 year-old neighbor was leaving her apartment. My dog ran inside her home and she screamed. I ended up in her bedroom, running around her bed, chasing my dog who was trying to get at her pantyhose. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when I tripped on the leash, dropping his treat bag. He snatched one, looked at me, and ran full speed in the opposite direction. I had to chase him for three blocks, yelling his name. He thought it was a new game. FML
Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML
Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML
Today, while dogsitting for a friend, I took their overly excitable dog to the park. The moment I unleashed him, he bolted, and I ended up chasing him for what felt like miles. When I finally caught him, I was covered in mud and my pants had a huge tear in them. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML
Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Was it a bloodhound? Those bitches are crazy, period.
ICastillo 25
That would be interesting, I bet you were yelling for penis to bring back your tampon applicator. The neighbors think you way crazy now.
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Comments (70)
Pleonasm 36
Was it a bloodhound? Those bitches are crazy, period.
CharresBarkrey 16
Damnit that's clever.
mowmowlife 21
Skillful
Pleonasm 36
Well 4, I hope this is just a meta-Phase, and that she's not stuck in it...
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Guys there's no womb on here for your silly puns anymore! They're ovar-y used and bloody annoying! Sorry to be mean but you know what I menst-ral
Pleonasm 36
There's always room for more puns.
spikekutter 9
this fml app is stupid..
cognauticcreix 9
You have just vindicated this entire website's gross overusage of puns. *pretentious deuche's light clapping*
CharresBarkrey 16
33 - Damnit, that's also clever. Sometimes I get frustrated reading these punny comments and wonder why I can't be that witty.
01sparkly 15
The dog probably thought it was a toy. But either way, FYL.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Most dogs can make just about anything into the most magnificent toy! I envy their care-free and evil genius ways :)
ICastillo 25
That would be interesting, I bet you were yelling for penis to bring back your tampon applicator. The neighbors think you way crazy now.
NYC_Yoshi 3
Penis, the Greek dog!
BH1126 11
Bahahaha, love the reference!
blunttobluntest 12
You said it yourself. Dumbass.
loserboii 11
Well bloody hell, you don't sound to sanguine about the situation.
LiterOfCola 16
Sanguine pun is well done.
LiterOfCola 16
Just go with the flow, OP. Your neighbors probably aren't that bloody disgusted, just a little at the maxi.
Enslaved 38
Sounds like you set up the perfect Neighborhood Watch. I bet they'll always keep an eye on what comes out of your house. Thieves don't stand a chance!
GothickNihilist 15
Let's hope that she doesn't find cameras installed in her washroom.
spikekutter 9
run naked bitch run!
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Dude she wasn't naked
naya_bingi 11
And he replied to you 10 or so comments below this comment... Never thought there would be a need for a commenting/replying tutorial but the stupidity is great with this one.
AH1Zviper 15
It's just a common misunderstanding. Your neighbors will understand. Probably.
BellaBelle_fml 23
I see no misunderstanding going on in this FML.
AH1Zviper 15
What the hell is this comment doing here? I posted on a completely different FML.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Oh ok, my apologies are extended to you, kind sir :)
1dvs_bstd 41
.... what if ... your neighbors think you were screwing the pooch? I mean, it does have your tampon applicator and you did run out with your undies... see what this observer means?
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
D: what? Why?! Screwing the dog?! I don't think ANYONE would think that, it just....no D:!
misstomtom 7
First time I've heard of a tampon applicator as a sex toy...then again, I'm pretty prudish.