Today, it's been a week since my girl told me she's pregnant and I fled town in a panic. I realized how badly I fucked up and called her, begging to come back. When I showed up at her house, her brothers kicked my ass and threw me in the street, promising to wring me dry for child support. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the cops showed up to my house and served me a child support order from the girl I had a one-night stand with, and who'd promised me she would abort the baby. All this was two years ago. My wife of three years was in the house and heard everything. She packed up her things and told me she’ll be calling her attorney. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out and threatened to get a restraining order after I called him an asshole. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and over 1,000 miles away from my parents' house. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, I went to my parents' house after escaping my abusive relationship. My mom scoffed and said, “This is what happens when you move out, barely graduated high school, with a bum.” When I told her I was 3 months pregnant, she said, “And a child out of wedlock? You’re a lost case!” and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, after my boyfriend ghosted me when he learned I was pregnant, I stormed to his house to tell his wife about us to get back at him. Turns out he gave me a fake address, because the cops were called on me after I screamed at some random woman who lived there. FML
Today, to punish my wife for disrespecting me in front of my friends, I told her I wasn't going to help with the baby tonight. When I woke up, she and my baby were gone with nothing more than a text saying she was speaking to a divorce lawyer. Over one night. FML
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Top comments
Hangryko 32
Immediate YDI after the first sentence. I hope she never takes you back and gets half of all of your pay for child support.
Petit Etre Malfaisant 23
context : were you ok for the baby ? and then you chicken out?
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Comments (4)
poopface82 25
Get your situation sorted out and file for 50/50 custody.
DLBL 23
funny. As if that guy wants a kid in his life. But, I think ALL child support cases should require a paternity test for sure.
Petit Etre Malfaisant 23
context : were you ok for the baby ? and then you chicken out?
Hangryko 32
Immediate YDI after the first sentence. I hope she never takes you back and gets half of all of your pay for child support.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
One word: Contraception. Either you two didn't use it, in which case you shouldn't have been having sex if you didn't want a kid, or it didn't work. In either event, the fact that you just up and ran away like a coward proves you lack the mental maturity to raise a child. Good for her brothers.